H has bronchitis, called me yesterday to tell me how bad he feels...I sent him to a doctor. Later he called to ask if I can bring him his prescription and buy him some herbal tea. I did.
Something interesting - H asked me to bring him an adventure book that he used to read when he was a little boy. He said "Could you find it for me, I always used to read that book when I was sick". I had to go through some old storage boxes, but found it and took it to him.
That was an interesting request...very much fits with his MLC. Is he looking for childhood comforts or revisiting that period of his life?...
It's a good sign that he is asking me for help, he wouldn't do that before
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Hey Mila, the wanting of the book from childhood by your H is interesting. I look forward to hearing what the take is on that when one of our knowledgeable DBer's chimes in.
On the going out front. Might the dressed up Mila stop in to check on H before she goes???
SA thank you...I would like to hear some opinions on the childhood book as well. I wonder if it helps to pinpoint where he is in his journey? I was hoping that "replay" is coming to an end and that he is in depression and maybe the beginning of withdrawal.
The childhood book could still be a replay behavior or it could be a soothing comfort thing to help him through his depression. Just musing here, there is probably no clear answer...
Hmmm....should dressed up Mila go visit H? Good question. Maybe I can offer to bring him some dinner since he is sick? Should I? I can make some comfort food and stop to give to him on my way to my "Fun" night.
BTW I did get a compliment yesterday when I dropped by with his prescription. He said "You look great, is that new?" (Commenting on my 2-year-old jacket that I wear a lot LOL)
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Personally, I think the dressed up Mila in an outfit that she is rockin' it in should stop in with some dinner for the sick H before she goes out. It would be the kind thing to do;)
LOL on the 2 year old jacket thing. Just shows you how much of a fog they've been in for a while. Glad he's finally 'taking notice'.
I decided to go with the "Look really HOT & bring him dinner" Idea. Called H and told him that I'm making dinner and since he feels so bad I would like to bring him some. He said "I can't ask you to do that for me". I said "You are not asking...I'm offering. I'll drop it off on my way downtown". He asked "where are you going?" "Out for dinner". He said "OH"...didn't ask me with whom...but by the sound in his voice he really wanted to.
Then he calls me numerous times in the afternoon....Could I pick up some chocolate milk for him.....Could I also bring coffee cream....What is D going to be doing when I'm out tonight....Tell D that she can't come over to watch hockey with her friends...I'm too sick.
Made dinner, baked cookies and got all "dolled up" ready for the night out.
Stopped at H's apartment to drop it off. I appeared rushed and told him that I'm running late... have to run. He managed to say "You look great" and I was out of there LOL.
Had a great night, great Thai food, great company, good conversation. After dinner we went dancing to a club. Fun Fun Fun.... Got home wayyyy after midnight.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
With regard to his childhood book. I have seen 3 children in my H situation. He is currently runing replay, depression and withdrawal.
It is very possible when he asked for that he was the little boy that the book is aimed at. He obviously has fond memories of the book from a long time ago, probably when he was ill. This will have been where his emotional development stopped in childhood and he is reverting back there to make good what he couldn't do as a child/teenager.
MLC children are very interesting. My H goes back to his childhood when his mother was ill and died. OW has exactly the same socialising problems his mother had.
Thanks CW and libby... I had a blast last night. Should do that more often.
Libby, H had a special attachment to that book when he was a boy. I think he'd first read it when he was about 10 years old. And he certainly has issues from his childhood to deal with. Father left when his mom was pregnant with him and she was depressed all her life...never forgave his dad and never remarried.
Nothing new to report today, called H to check how he was feeling and if he needs anything. Said that he is better and said "thank you, I don't need anything, you did a lot to take care of me".
That's it today, we will see what next week brings.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Hi Mila..glad you had a great time going out with friends!!
I think you may be like me and my H were in the beginning. We talked about him coming home, then it seemed like a month or so went by before we talked about it again. His therapist to him that we both had our walls up and it would take time for us to be able to talk more about it. He asked to come home in October and it was the beginning of March before he moved back home.
Just be patient. Youre doing great!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I'm really frustrated.... I 'm actually mad now. WTH, this is not going anywhere. H just left after our business meeting, I was hoping that he would bring up at least something about our R. Nothing... zip..zilch..nothing.
Came with a long face, no smile, no kiss. Looked sooo down, (still sick). We talked about business for about 45min and I was really keeping it business like, waiting for him to bring up any personal stuff. The closest he came is to ask how is daughter and how is my mom.
The whole conversation was very guarded. He is the one that brought up getting back together 2 weeks ago, but he is not doing anything about it. If he at least told me that he is doing any work on himself...seeing a councilor or something that would make me believe that he is moving closer.
I had a hard time not to start about us. But I didn't. He may have seen that I was disappointed when he was leaving.
Kissak, it helps to know that you went trough the same thing, but I just don't get it. Now I'm thinking maybe the affair is still going on and he's changed his mind. I don't know anymore.
What I find really frustrating is that before he told me that the affair is over and he wants to R, I was finally ready to move forward with my life and was getting to the point that I was starting to make decisions about my life without him. Sell the house and find something smaller for D & I etc...
Since he asked to come back I feel that I'm back in "nowhere land" again. Waiting for him...
I'm not asking for much, I would be happy if he just showed me that he is moving forward. Talk to me about what he is going through or at least start counseling.
I'm venting....I know patience....let him come to me
Very hard right now
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