Game Point

[tryingtilDorR]

More journaling - it is interesting to observe the WAS as they navigate through their emotional whirlwind in a 'game point' situation like this where they are facing monumental changes in their life (brought upon by themself).

I told her that while it is going to be hard on the kids I am looking forward to her being gone. I don't like living with someone who has been having a R with OM and have tried to get her to either end it or leave for over a year now, so finally there is a resolution.

W and I talked about her moving out - Her big excuse for not leaving yet is that she doesn't have furniture. I was being 'helpful' suggesting where she might be able to buy some furniture for her new place, etc., and even offering her some of the stuff in the house to take (stuff I could live without or otherwise want to replace anyway).

Yesterday apparently my mother came into contact with her grandmother, who knows she is leaving but suspects there is an OM but nobody in the family has confirmed this for her for her own 'emotional protection'. Anyway, my mother didn't know this and made a comment to her about OM and how W needs to keep that @*@#&$& away from our kids.

W blames me for people thinking that OM has something to do with her leaving. I told her that people who know what has gone on between them (proven interaction from evidence I collected and then later by her own admission to people) are drawing their own conclusion. It only takes half a brain to see the connection, but I think OM and her are in their own little world thinking they are 'clear' because nobody caught them having sex. I can't control others opinions I told her and knowing what most know about OM it is inevitable, even if they don't know details of what has already gone on, that they will draw the connection to him breaking up the M.

The interesting thing happened this morning. She comes to me while I am in bed and says 'After all that you have done there is no hope for us to reconcile. " She seemed really stressed out and irritable. She sounded like someone who had to make sure she had convinced herself of this fact. I think she is getting weirder about all this because she has her own place to go to and the next thing on her agenda is a hook up with OM there which is probably imminent, and she probably is really forcing herself to completely shut all doors to the M/R before she takes that step.

I just told her that we have rehashed this over and over, and that while she has an OM she is totally correct - there is no hope. I told her if she had taken a 'time out' from him you never know what we might have been able to do, but oh well.

Lately she seems very adamant about making the point that the fact that she got involved with OM was MY FAULT because I didn't make her happy in the M! She said this again this morning. I again responded that yes, we were both unhappy and needed to work on the M, but once OM was there she didn't want to. It is plain to see.

She went through her reasons why she is unhappy with me and why she can never be happy, how long she has been unhappy (it is getting longer every time she talks about it - now it goes back to when we had our first child 18 years ago).

It is funny because when we went to Retrouvaille one thing that was made terribly obvious is that just about any issue can be overcome if there is desire to work on it, but she has always worked very hard to ignore this.

I told her that she will appreciate me a lot more after she gets together with OM.

Also, I was very disappointed to hear that she told S18 and D16 that she had rented a place and planned to move out, without me being present. She said she did it because she doesn't like my 'attitude' - I told her this was totally wrong. She is causing the biggest disruption in their young lives and it is something we both needed to be there for. I wasn't planning on doing much talking I told her, she was going to explain to them, but I was going to be there to answer questions. She is afraid that I will make her look bad by saying somethign like 'this isn't my choice it is hers' which I won't do as long as she owns up to her own actions. I told her that when she tells S11 and S12 I DEFINITELY will be there. If not, I Will have to talk to them all on my own.