Surrender control of the household over to an addict?
Sure, great plan that is...
I've thought on this for a while now. I will maintain control of the finances and not invite him to learn about them unless he seeks me out. (one of the issues in our M has been his total and complete lack of input into our finances.) I won't chase him on it, but I will teach him if he wants to know.
Right now, I do the grocery shopping, cook three meals a day (or give the kids lunch money), they call me after school to tell me about their day, we discuss their homework, I check up on their homework and keep track of their projects and make sure they're done when due. I take SD to her doctor appts twice a week for scoliosis treatment. H takes SS to his two activities weekly, but we split the pickup of SS20 from work (if H is not around, I fill in) I also take SD to her orthodontist appointments.
I just feel as if most of this is taking care of his kids, while he gets to do the fun things with them - shows up for fishing with SS and leaves me to make the dinner-etc. I want to flip it around and do the fun things with them while he takes care of them. They're old enough now that if Daddy doesn't show up and make them dinner, they can make their own or give it to him for not doing it. If he doesn't have lunch money for them, it should be his failing, not that they come to me to make up for his detriment.
I agree that leaving the household to an addict is a bad idea, but leaving the almost grown children to the care of their father, maybe a good idea? I'll still keep the chores I do like cleaning up after myself, but give up on picking up after the kids. It seems like a good balance of power to me.
Also, we put our paychecks into the same account and pay the bills from there. It just seems to me that he should be paying for himself and the kids and I should pay for myself. For instance, half the mortgage is mine, but the doctor bills for SD should be his... if he wants a D, it's how it would be anyway. He should be paying 4/5 of the food bills since they eat most of the food. That sort of thing.
Am I shooting myself in the foot with this thinking?
I've thought on this for a while now. I will maintain control of the finances and not invite him to learn about them unless he seeks me out. (one of the issues in our M has been his total and complete lack of input into our finances.) I won't chase him on it, but I will teach him if he wants to know. 
