Have been IM'ing with wife the past few days. Caught myself starting to pressure so I'm backing off for now to give her some space and gather my patience.
Well she ended up IM'ing me about 9 last night asking to do something for S12. We ended up talking for a couple of hours. Nothing deep, but I've learned to let her steer the conversation.
I don't visit or post much, but just wanted you to know I am following your progress and thinking of you. Hoping for more good things coming your way. Keep up what you are doing... slow and steady and all.
good for you for continuing to keep the pressure off!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I've noticed something with my wife and it just makes me laugh. She cannot admit any feelings for me at all. To the point it's comical.
I have been complimenting her and acknowledging positive behavior. I don't go overboard but I didn't do a good job of that in the past. Her response is very teenagerish. For instance, D9 has a fundraiser and my wife had some great ideas to help her out so I told her, "You are such a good Mom". Her response? "Well,Duh". That's how it is with every compliment. So I was joking with her and said that I wouldn't compliment her anymore. She says "No, I need a reason to say duh."
Then yesterday I had a flat tire. I called her and asked if she could bring me a can of fix a flat, which she did. We were talking last night and I told her that I really appreciated her help. She said "You would have done the same thing". I agreed and she says "So we're even." I asked "How are we even?". "Because I said so."
There's other stories where she's done stuff for me but she will deflect anything that suggests she did it because she cares for me. Is this what we talk about when we say look at the actions and not the words?
D - interesting responses from your W! You're right, it does seem like she doesn't want to admit to any kind of feelings, yet actions speak louder than words! Give her time and space and see how this progresses. You are already doing a great job of it!
My H is a bit the same way. He brought me some flowers the day before V-day and I was in such shock that unfortunately the first words out of my mouth were "what are these for?" His response? "I don't know." I did go on to thank him, etc. but it was kinda funny.
Keep up what you are doing. Any news on the job front?
