Donna's new outlook, finding herself #38

[Reincarnated]

OK, that last downturn? Figured out another reason for the trigger...
X had asked D10 (almost 11) if she would do her birthday party at his house, since he missed seeing her open all her presents from her friends.
Well, do that to the too-eager-to-please child and of course she says Yes. He then told her to tell me. Way to not put the child in the middle, X! A$$ should have emailed me, himself, something. ANYway...

Poor thing, stuck in the middle, afraid that someone was going to get their feelings hurt - over HER party!
So, she came to me and asked if I would mind, and I said "Sweetie, it is YOUR birthday - have your birthday wherever you want to!" Relieved, she said she'd do it there to make daddy happy. Ugg....last year I asked her what she wanted to do for her party, and she wanted it at the indoor waterpark....
So that she had some choice, her actual birthday is this Tues and I asked her what she wanted to do - her request was to head into the city for the day so the Broadway hopefuls at Ellen's Stardust could sing Happy Birthday, and so she could - wait for it - SHOP! (That is a first for her - she's growing up!) She asked for my college roomie to come, too (like an aunt to her). At least she'll have some say in that...

Anyway, as soon as he got the go-ahead, the gf jumped in with all kinds of sucking-up plans with D - took her shopping a few times to get party supplies, bought a special cake plan, made hand-made invitations with her, etc....
I'll tell you here - I was pissed. I don't like this woman giving my kids attention like that. Puke - She has four of her own, and my former husband - leave my kids alone! are the deep dark feelings that roll around.
I'm not surprised by it, though - this is modus operundi for this chick, doing things over the top in the hopes that it will make her look good, not out of love or caring, then talk about how hard it was to do...I've seen her do the same thing for 14 years - oh, and X had the same quality, come to find out! A perfect match.


IC gets it, agreeing herself that this gf has some questionable morals and poor character, etc. But it is good that she is like this, rather than nasty, to my kids.
Anyway, looking back, I think it was this whole manipulation of my D10 and then gf's over-done attempt to win her over that made the issue with my S send me mentally wobbly for a few hours. Good to know, now continuing along...

*******

Fast-forward to yesterday, the day of the party. It was also the first day of spring break here.
They had set the date of the party without contacting the friends' families first - only one invitee was able to come, and she couldn't sleep over - most people had gone away.
X also invited all of his sibs to his house (which is right here in the same town), my kids' aunts and uncles. His parents were invited by proxy, so I was told (maybe a sib asked them to go?), but they declined.

Here is the thing that has me shaking my head -

X has 4 sibs, all married, 2 have sons: two grandchildren to my in-laws. They all live at least 1+1/2 hours away, so they don't see them often.
The youngest grandson is only 9 months old (I've never met him or gotten any response at all for gifts I have sent).

NOT ONE OF THE SIBS STOPPED BY TO SEE THEIR OWN PARENTS!!

I wasn't even planning to be in town yesterday (had plans but they fell through), so I don't think it can be chalked up to being uncomfortable around me...
How do you drive to the SAME TOWN that your parents live in, sitting in the car for more than 1+1/2 hours, and not visit your parents?! Do they think they will live forever?!

I tell you, the longer this goes on, the clearer a picture I have of things. Guess I had those rose-colored glasses on for ALL of these people, not just X. I grew up with them, considered them brothers and sisters...But wow, now I can see just how different we really are. So much for the fairy-tale family.

I didn't say anything to anyone, but I feel really badly for my in-laws. They must have been hurt - what would it have taken to stop by, for them to have at least seen the baby?

I've told them in the recent past that I don't want to be a reason or used as an excuse for them not reconcilling with their son - I can't imagine having that strife with my own kids.
All in all, I am the LEAST directly affected by this mess - I don't have to deal with X outside of some parenting - but he is still the kids' father, and the in-laws' son.

(Weird, similar note: in-laws went down to LI for a funeral on Friday. Again, none of her kids made an effort to meet them. MIL's step-dad has been in rehab for a fall. In-laws stopped by to visit - for 15 minutes!)
Hey, come to think of it, even when we all lived within a few towns of each other, MIL didn't spend that much time with her mom, rarely visited except for holidays, etc. - this whole thing might not be that extraordinary for their family, at all!!

Oh, well....to each, their own, I guess.

Hey, maybe that explains why they didn't decide to move out when the whole thing exploded - who looks like they will actually BE THERE for them as they grow older? Just, wow.