Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

This is one of the craziest things I have ever read.

Your W (or you) will not start to heal until you both work on your own individual issues. Plain and simple.

The blame, the examples, the constant conversation and everything else posted here is just nuts.

Why on EARTH would you give her money for clothes and such when she was screwing another guy and you knew it? You make no sense and you wonder why she steam rolls you every chance she gets?

Stay away from each other. Really that is the best way to go.

I think the men here call it being "tagged" when your WAW sleeps with you while she is in an affair. You are good for a few things to her right now... money, emotional support when she needs it, sex when she wants it and an outlet for her to yell and scream and act like a crazy person. You allow it so you are a crazy person too.

And I disagree... all you want is your W back so you are not in pain or lonely. IMO you would continue to tolerate all this nuttiness just so you have her. And that is unhealthy.

I really really really do not want her to come home right now. She just has a way of making me feel guilty for something I've done and apologized for or making me feel sorry for her.

I was actually doing the dates and stuff to show her I cared and all the things she said I didn't do I was doing.

She talked about coming home on Monday and I said no.

Just because I'm lonely and in pain doesn't mean I'm going to move to her place or her here (which is not even an option anymore)

I would have felt bad if something happened to her and I could have done something to help. but it wasn't appreciated. All she says is how I try to do things to hurt her or get back at her putting me on the defensive and when I state look I've been there for you when you've needed me now i'm throwing what I did in her face after she just attacks me and makes it seem like i've never done anything for her or been there for her and all I do is sit around thinking of ways to hurt her. Half the time I dont even know when she is hurt. I mean someone else can do something really bad and it's forgotten. Or someone can do something really minor to help her and she'll go on about it like it's the best thing that ever happened to her. Yet all I'm told is how bad I treat her when I've been trying to help.

She states whenever we talk I make her feel small. That every conversation we've had has been bad but that isn't true either. I honestly thinks she just likes inflicting pain, suffering and hurt on me or deflecting whatever else she is mad about at me too.

There are people on this board RIGHT NOW who have WAS living in the house with them IN an P.A. or E.A. They are getting mistreated and run over too.

Everything I say or do is dumb or crazy. Since when is it dumb to help someone? When is it dumb to love someone and actually genuinely care about their well being?

But im n.c. I can't keep doing it because she's just gonna keep treating me like this. Ive already admitted what you stated about needing time to heal and im in IC already. waw isn't. UNTIL SHE GETS HELP she's going to stay like this.

I honestly believe that me being nice to her is getting to her as well. But I can't help who I am. I've always helped others.

Not everyone can deal with things the way you dealt with your sitch. Although it took tremendous courage to deal with it.

I don't have a big support group of family and friends. I get consistently brow beaten by alot of people which makes me feel even lower.

I love and miss my WAW very very much but she's not the person she used to be. I don't know why she's just so mean to me now. Yes I did some bad things but dangit there's so many double standards.

I try to forgive. She holds it in and unloads.

I do want her back though. I cannot lie about that. Hopefully the space can help