As someone who spent a lot of time on this question, I finally realized it made no diff in my sitch if my h were being selfish, alien or a full blown MLC b/c he was not at home as my h or father of our children. And it really does not make a diff as to your approach. The issue is hope. You want to have some, and you think if it's MLC there's more chance of recon. I cannot say that is even true. MANY MLCers don't come out of it in time, or at all, or if they do, they prefer their new ways...and new people.
IT's just much easier than fixing what you have. Much like a car needing an overhaul b/c you forgot to keep the oil changed frequently enough, some folks would rather trade the old one in and get a shiny new car...not that they learned that taking care of the oil matters b/c when this shiny new car has problems, they will trade that one in too, and never learn about changing oil...just easier for some to start fresh and always have a shiny NEW car with "no problems..." (for now).
Point is, your approach is the same regardless of whether he's in MLC or is a WAS. YOUR Behavior will be the same. Why wouldn't it? Now, your give up point may be different but your actions would be the same. GAL, make yourself as attractive as possible, be upbeat around him, while you "accept with resignation and regret" FOR HIM, that he wants out but you know you are going to be fine, happy, will survive/thrive and it is HIS loss, (and come to believe that, b/c it is true anyhow and your beliefs will radiate and sink in in time. AND no matter what, do not assume you know what he feels. NO R talk no temp taking and no staring at him for a temp) etc, AND detach!
Regardless of what this is or how you see it, & fwiw, I am sorry I don't see it as an MLC but that's not the point I am making...I am saying it makes NO difference in what YOU DO... Make sense? J
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
