Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

OF, as always thanks for the very insightful and helpful response.

It looks like the storm has blown over to everyone else (including the LBS), but it is really the eye of the storm. It's why so many feel blindsided when the other half of the hurricane hits. Ms. Weiner-Davis alludes to this as well in her book and she is absolutely right.

I don't quite follow, what's the other half of the hurricane in this situation?

With respect to the unsent e-mail, send it or don't...it doesn't matter at this point. It makes you look desperate and weak (which you may be right at this particular moment) so I wouldn't send it simply because I wouldn't care to give her the satisfaction of knowing that. But as for it affecting her actions in any way, it won't. Once a person is committed to such a destructive act, there is little to turn them back from it. They have already created a reality in their mind that justifies their actions and to go back would be tantamount to admitting a mistake (something their pride will not often let them do).

I'm having trouble grasping the idea of going dark. I don't know what else I can do to go dark. Other than her b.day dinner and a handful of email exchanges over the past month we haven't communicated or seen eachother.

Like you said even going dark will do nothing to change her mind. I like your analogy about someone who's decided to commit a suicide will be at peace just before the deed. So she's at that stage where she's committed to getting the D no matter what I do or say. However, I want to save some self dignity as well as don't want her to lose complete respect for me (if there's any left in her mind). So what else can I do to look strong? I feel I do have my own life - in her eyes anyway since I don't really contact her at all unless it's DD related. I didn't even say anything to her about the divorce she refiled.

Thanks for the specific ideas on how to move on and prepare myself for what's coming my way. I'll be honest sad songs do me in. I can't stand them these days because I want to scream the lyrics so loud that she can hear me from my house.