you can start by going out, getting out of your house, hanging out with friends and relaxing and having a good time, it's not that hard, get out a little, go have some fun, forget about that mean dragon lady that keeps rejecting you, TRY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do what robx and me are saying. By the way, in her current game you are always going to be rejected. I think robx hit the nail on the head when he said "mean dragon lady that keeps rejecting you". I wish I didn't know what it is.
I stand by most of the words I said to you. You may also find your health improves dramatically when you get your mind and body outside of her space.
This is one of the craziest things I have ever read.
Your W (or you) will not start to heal until you both work on your own individual issues. Plain and simple.
The blame, the examples, the constant conversation and everything else posted here is just nuts.
Why on EARTH would you give her money for clothes and such when she was screwing another guy and you knew it? You make no sense and you wonder why she steam rolls you every chance she gets?
Stay away from each other. Really that is the best way to go.
I think the men here call it being "tagged" when your WAW sleeps with you while she is in an affair. You are good for a few things to her right now... money, emotional support when she needs it, sex when she wants it and an outlet for her to yell and scream and act like a crazy person. You allow it so you are a crazy person too.
And I disagree... all you want is your W back so you are not in pain or lonely. IMO you would continue to tolerate all this nuttiness just so you have her. And that is unhealthy.
This is one of the craziest things I have ever read.
Your W (or you) will not start to heal until you both work on your own individual issues. Plain and simple.
The blame, the examples, the constant conversation and everything else posted here is just nuts.
Why on EARTH would you give her money for clothes and such when she was screwing another guy and you knew it? You make no sense and you wonder why she steam rolls you every chance she gets?
Stay away from each other. Really that is the best way to go.
I think the men here call it being "tagged" when your WAW sleeps with you while she is in an affair. You are good for a few things to her right now... money, emotional support when she needs it, sex when she wants it and an outlet for her to yell and scream and act like a crazy person. You allow it so you are a crazy person too.
And I disagree... all you want is your W back so you are not in pain or lonely. IMO you would continue to tolerate all this nuttiness just so you have her. And that is unhealthy.
I really really really do not want her to come home right now. She just has a way of making me feel guilty for something I've done and apologized for or making me feel sorry for her.
I was actually doing the dates and stuff to show her I cared and all the things she said I didn't do I was doing.
She talked about coming home on Monday and I said no.
Just because I'm lonely and in pain doesn't mean I'm going to move to her place or her here (which is not even an option anymore)
I would have felt bad if something happened to her and I could have done something to help. but it wasn't appreciated. All she says is how I try to do things to hurt her or get back at her putting me on the defensive and when I state look I've been there for you when you've needed me now i'm throwing what I did in her face after she just attacks me and makes it seem like i've never done anything for her or been there for her and all I do is sit around thinking of ways to hurt her. Half the time I dont even know when she is hurt. I mean someone else can do something really bad and it's forgotten. Or someone can do something really minor to help her and she'll go on about it like it's the best thing that ever happened to her. Yet all I'm told is how bad I treat her when I've been trying to help.
She states whenever we talk I make her feel small. That every conversation we've had has been bad but that isn't true either. I honestly thinks she just likes inflicting pain, suffering and hurt on me or deflecting whatever else she is mad about at me too.
There are people on this board RIGHT NOW who have WAS living in the house with them IN an P.A. or E.A. They are getting mistreated and run over too.
Everything I say or do is dumb or crazy. Since when is it dumb to help someone? When is it dumb to love someone and actually genuinely care about their well being?
But im n.c. I can't keep doing it because she's just gonna keep treating me like this. Ive already admitted what you stated about needing time to heal and im in IC already. waw isn't. UNTIL SHE GETS HELP she's going to stay like this.
I honestly believe that me being nice to her is getting to her as well. But I can't help who I am. I've always helped others.
Not everyone can deal with things the way you dealt with your sitch. Although it took tremendous courage to deal with it.
I don't have a big support group of family and friends. I get consistently brow beaten by alot of people which makes me feel even lower.
I love and miss my WAW very very much but she's not the person she used to be. I don't know why she's just so mean to me now. Yes I did some bad things but dangit there's so many double standards.
I try to forgive. She holds it in and unloads.
I do want her back though. I cannot lie about that. Hopefully the space can help
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
you can start by going out, getting out of your house, hanging out with friends and relaxing and having a good time, it's not that hard, get out a little, go have some fun, forget about that mean dragon lady that keeps rejecting you, TRY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
well right now that's really not an option. I'm preparing for this cornea transplant so I wont be out that much. I'm just going to eat right sleep do a little web surfing. wear my contact and read my bible.
i don't have a big humongous support group. So i'll have to find ways to keep me busy
Last edited by james217; 04/18/1010:00 AM.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
you can start by going out, getting out of your house, hanging out with friends and relaxing and having a good time, it's not that hard, get out a little, go have some fun, forget about that mean dragon lady that keeps rejecting you, TRY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
well right now that's really not an option. I'm preparing for this cornea transplant so I wont be out that much. I'm just going to eat right sleep do a little web surfing. wear my contact and read my bible.
i don't have a big humongous support group. So i'll have to find ways to keep me busy
Not everyone can deal with things the way you dealt with your sitch. Although it took tremendous courage to deal with it.
Excuse me? You clearly have no idea what I endured over the past two years. And you are correct, I wouldn't want anybody to *have* to have an experience like mine.
With that being said, I am done here. You have not even bothered to try and grasp the basic principles. If you did you would clearly understand why your W behaves the way she does. Your W is far from unique as a WAS. In fact, she is textbook. This isn't about me or my situation though or how I dealt with my H. And you are right... it did take courage and still does.
Not everyone can deal with things the way you dealt with your sitch. Although it took tremendous courage to deal with it.
Excuse me? You clearly have no idea what I endured over the past two years. And you are correct, I wouldn't want anybody to *have* to have an experience like mine.
With that being said, I am done here. You have not even bothered to try and grasp the basic principles. If you did you would clearly understand why your W behaves the way she does. Your W is far from unique as a WAS. In fact, she is textbook. This isn't about me or my situation though or how I dealt with my H. And you are right... it did take courage and still does.
City Girl I read your entire sitch last night. I've read it before but I went back and reread it.
Your tone in every post to me is extremely condescending.. As well has it been to anyone on here who has a difference in opinion from you. You have even argued with other people in my thread who have a different philosophy from the one you have.
When you respond to others you're not near as harsh or blunt either. I went and read those replies. And you want to know what? Some of them are being steam rolled as well.
You do not know what I have tried to grasp. It's not easy. I'm not the only person to ever mess up or backslide. You have been extremely rude to me. When I have pointed out things that you've stated that are not true you do not even apologize for it.
You told me to take a taxi or bus or other services to surgery. When I explained why I could not do that you didn't apologize for even making it seem like I didn't know what i'm doing.
When I told you my doctor told me not to be out and about due to the surgery and diabetes. You brought up me dating and bowling which occured before I found out that I was having a cornea transplant. I blindly and stupidly drove and went to see WAW. When I got home I had a seizure. I shouldn't have even done it. I wasn't supposed to and I was supposed to be N.C.
You called me crazy last night.
Do you honestly think the way you are talking to me you would like anyone talking to you that way? Especially when you were going through what you went through and are still going through?
Just look at how "defensive" you have gotten when I simply stated a simple honest fact about not everyone can handle their sitch with the strength and courage you were able to deal with it. Was that a bad statement? No it was actually a compliment. After reading your thread I had alot of respect for how you handled it. Until just now. when you come back and take a few more shots at me again.
I don't see anyone dealing with you in that manner.
I do not have the support group of friends and family you have. So it's even harder for me to detach.
It took you a year to even join db. Your H was being unfaithful and you let him in the house to visit. Then he left to see OW. It took you 3 months to even bring up his P.A. Isn't that crazy?
A year later you were still having "R" talks.
If anyone should know what it's like to go through what i'm going through? It should be you. There should be some sort of compassion. Not consistent belittling, and I told you so attitude, and you kicking someone when they already feel bad about what has happened and what they did wrong.
When DLS tried to show some compassion (even though I don't totally agree with everything you stated) you had a condescending tone to him as well.
Right now I'm no where near as strong as you were then. It's hard for me to accept being disabled. It's hard for me to relate not being normal.
The one person who I felt like understood that because she herself is disabled and has been for the majority of her life and was by my side is no longer here. That's extremely hard.
Not everyone can relate to things the way you do. But what if your family and friends and db people were saying just half of the awful things and had the tone and treatment you have given me?
Would you like it?
Me trying to walk was a big accomplishment for me. You totally crapped on it. Just like you have been in pain and sometimes unable to move so am I.
When I have a seizure I cannot even move at all. I have had about 25 to 30 of them.
Sometimes I just lose my balance and fall down. So yes walking is a major accomplishment for me.
Yet you've said things like "it's going to take more than walking to blah blah blah"
Every single person on this board is having M probs. Yet I see compassion from you for others. Me? consistent brow beating and expecting me to easily detach.
I lost my W, my children, my job, my home, and my health. I feel extremely down most of the time and when she acts like she cares it's hard for me not to reach out to her because I really don't have alot of people who are supportive. and those that do pretty much make me feel like a burden because they have to do something for me because "she's not here."
Even me being able to go out and bowl is something I could not do before. My body ached and still does ache just from that. But at least I'm making an effort to get healthy.
I may not have handled the sitch with WAW the correct way but why keep dumping on me about it?
I'm really trying to apply the philosophies but it's really really hard and not easy for me to do.
It's also extremely hard because she knows how to make me feel guilty when she is sick as well knowing I'll try to be there for her.
But this has to stop with you as well. I dont like how you talk to me. I don't like the attitude you have with me belittling my goals and HAVING THIS I TOLD YOU SO ATTITUDE everytime I backslide and make a mistake.
You have not shown a lick of compassion at all.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
