Losing a marriage of any length of time is a horrible, horrible thing. In our society it's talked about like an everyday occurrence, like it's nothing. Yet, the damage it causes to individuals is real and an everyday battle to overcome. It's not just one of those things. like a bad flu, that will happen to each of us! I know there are times when I'm out somewhere and realize I'm there alone, I'm not with that person I spent 17 years of my life with. It's tough sometimes. I don't know when it gets to be a distant memory but even after 2.5 years I'm not there yet. So Gardener and givingitmyall, you two aren't alone here!
You're right on the money, here. Coincidentally, mine was 17 years, too. Check out The Journey From Abandonment To Healing by Susan Anderson who has worked with LBHs for 25 years. Great book! 1) She says that the effects of being LB by a WAW is identical to the symptoms and stages of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. 2) She says, "When a relationship ends, it is painful for both people, but the pain is especially debilitating for the one left behind..." 3)She states that most LBHs think it would have been better had the spouse died. For the LBH, the spouse has died, but there are no rituals, friends and family don't step in to help, the family/friend circle tends to dissipate rather than gather round. Again, a great book. I highly recommend it. It has helped me identify the stage of abandonment grief I am literally stuck in and can't seem to move beyond. My new IC and I are using this book as our starting off point.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
