Show of hands - expose or not - success stories

[25yearsmlc]

what safflie and bluestar said..And Since you asked, no, I don't see this as MLC. I see this as a pattern of behavior that has worsened over the years, and shows no signs of improving or abating. He acts like a man who wants out, but has kids & $$ to consider, and a tad of concern about how he is perceived by others, though not necessarily you.

It's not his first A, therefore it is not out of character for him to cheat. Even if it "feels" different to you this time, with this A, (the 2nd or 3rd A that you know of..), it may mean he's simply "Evolved" into a worse, more selfish person. Plus, he knows you'll put up with this, b/c you have before. So yeah, a different approach is mandatory.

The element of respect for you is probably diminished b/c he did this before and you took him back. Did you have consequences then, or did he get guilted back, by you or the kids, or did the OW turn out to be a bad choice, etc? What happened then? Did he confess or get caught then? And the other A with you or some other wife...what did he SAY about that?? (Knowing actions and words are diff. If he said his first A on his previous wife was wrong, or made him feel bad/remorse, and YET then does it again, to you, two or more times....that says a whole lot to me.)

Passenger, sweetheart, even you admit you are not ready to give him consequences.

Seems like all LBSers at one time or another, want some "Secret" advice or just the right sentence to say, to get our WAS to "see the light". We hope there an exactly correct approach to take that fixes this terribly unjust sitch, but there's no easy fix. It just sucks a lot. It IS unfair.

Please don't say you'll put up with any and everything to "Save" the m...there are times to cut your losses and There are times that ending things leads to a renewal and a new beginning. Your present m MUST end. It's unfair and unloving. And dishonest. And not healthy for you or the kids.

BTW, I found the DB coaching extremely helpful & specific. I also saw a MC with and without my h, read a ton, came here, worked out GAL etc etc etc
If I were in the same sitch again and I could only do ONE thing to help my marriage, the ONE thing I would do if I only had one tool would be the DB coaching. Worth every cent and in my area anyhow, it costs around the same as MC with a therapist. DB coaching is detailed and solution based and faster. At least it was for me and us. Though some of the advice here seems conflicting, it does have some common threads in it. Find those and apply them. Good luck,
j-