Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

James,

Really? You said you are going to go dark, GAL and detach and proceed to not only make ANOTHER post about your W but start whining on another thread too.

You knew exactly what you were doing by going over there and you knew it would make it worse yet you did it anyway. If a grown woman who dumped her husband and had multiple affairs could be coerced to return by a gift of stuffed animals... well, many men here would have charge accounts at FAO Schwartz.

Perhaps you have learned the value of staying quiet.

You are co-dependant on her and that is very, very bad.

You have so self control or self discipline nor do you have the first idea of how to self soothe.

If you are going dark then just do it and stop talking about it. You do way too much talking and not enough listening or action.

By NOT listening you have pushed your wife further and further away. I would bet unless there is some visible effort the majority of the people that spent time posting to you will also be very turned off.

At this point NOTHING "will work" with your W. She is too angry and too invested in her affairs. What you need to start wondering about is what "will work" for you that has nothing to do with your W.

I can't say I disagree with your W. Every "divorce busting" effort you have made thus far has appeared to have a motive and it was all for you. Not good.

I can't agree with the last paragraph. When she got her clothes stolen I knew she wasn't coming home and gave her a huge chunk of the life savings to help her get another place.

she spent the night and we talked and then she left the next day. almost ML but we both stopped it.

Everytime she's gotten into a jam i've dipped into the life savings to help her rearranging some bills just so she could eat or whatever.

It's not like I wasn't doing this type of stuff before she left. Heck when we first got together I was helping.

I haven't just been this way with her either. I've always put myself last and I have to stop doing that.

I run a computer business and gave away about 5 computers to help some famlies who needed them.

I gave away phones and all types of things. I've bought food for families in need.

Volunteered in my community. I've really tried to give back and ehlp anyone I can.

That's why it bothers me when she says that because she says i've always had a hard of gold and was selfless.

Here's a list of pros/cons she wrote about me and her cons about herself. then ill post mine.

Pros/Cons of H
from W Prospective

Pros

He is a very spiritual man….knows a lot about the bible.
H is handsome and very manly.
H is a very giving of himself.
I love H’s creativeness and his willingness to express himself.
He cares for others well being.
He is strong.
H is a good father.
H is a good husband.
H is a good and loyal friend.
H loves and cares about his family.
H is very protective of his family and friends.
H is a man who fights in what he believes in.
H has always been there for me.
(be it the hospital, financial, legal,
spiritual)



Cons

I don’t like H’s temper.
I don’t like when H and I fuss and fight…..because sometimes it gets out of hand.
Sometimes I don’t like H’s stubbornness….
because it makes him closed minded to other people’s views and won’t listen to what you have to say.
Cons cont…..

I don’t like when we in argument and I’m not able to express myself……combatively

W’s Pros/Cons


Pros

I believe I am a beautiful person inside and out.
I am caring.
I am giving.
I am loyal.
God has giving me a gift of singing.
(I just don’t know how to use
or express that gift.)
I felt I was a good mother to our children.













Cons

I don’t feel that I am as spiritual with God as I should be.
I feel I could be a better wife to my husband.
I don’t like being so naïve.
I don’t like my temper.
I don’t like always feeling so depressed because things are not going the way I want.
I don’t like situation I have put my family through.
I don’t like the fact that I don’t truly know what my purpose in life.
(I want to know…..because I feel God has something special for me to do…..if not I wouldn’t have been put on this earth…..I feel it in my soul, that I have a purpose)
I don’t like the fact that I have epilepsy.
I wish I was more experienced at working out my problems…….instead of taking it out on others.