Im starting to lose faith again in believing that even a miracle could help us. I could understand how WAS convince themselves that their marriages were mostly bad... i am starting to only remember the negative lately. I sometime get tired of pushing myself... i just wish i was happy. i wish my life were the same as it was 4 months ago... i wish i had an inkling that my H was so unhappy and that he did not have any intentions of staying.

A relative of mine said to me that she thinks i am too strong to ever take him back no matter what he does to try and win me back. she believes that if H and I went to MC that I would be the one who decideds not to reconcile. I was crushed. i askd why and she said you are always so honest and true and dont like people who are the opposite and i dont know how you could ever forgive him. My father left my mom after 31 years, several years ago, and he managed to turn his entire family against my mom, my sibling and me. i felt like that was my first divorce...
it was so much easier to cut ties with my own father who raised me since birth, than my H. How is that? i know they are not the same, but i am usually a person who loves you unconditionally and trusts and will do anything for you, until you cross me. Then i basically do not like you anymore. With H, every thing I stood for goes out the window. I am not the type to plead and beg. i work hard for what i want and bratty as this sounds i earn what i want. ive always had a happy life... and then this?

I hate that I am that girl who's husband left her when she was 3 months pregnant. why cant i be that girl with the great husband who are expecting their first child, and they are so darn excited about it! Why did he have to take away this most special moment away from me... who is he to take away my joy in being pregnant... why does he have the right to rip my life apart... and make me cry all of the time when WE should be planning together a life of happiness for my son.

why did this have to happen to me... or to you... or to anyone on this site...

why cant we all just be 100% happy... and happily married!

hard day... lots of tears...

Piano,, you asked can i keep word... truthfully... No.
i dont know why. i dont like fighting or arguing with him. i dont like the Friendship thing either... am i fighting for a worthless cause. i am not strong enough...