Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

man i really "F" ed up. maybe my M is just unrepairable. There's nothing I can do but go dark and use LRT because this isn't working. There are flashes of her being happy with me but no matter what I do or say it ends up bad.

I do good it's bad with motives to throw it in her face later
I do bad and it's really bad and i'm damn near the devil himself

she doesn't seem to see or care about me hurting or me trying to change. She doesn't trust me. She just yells at me and curses me out. Then she says leave her alone and will call and curse at me some more.

I don't think I've ever heard her drop this type of language before with ANYONE.

as of 2:50 p.m cst i have went back dark and with LRT. nothing else is going to work.

She's not healed from what i've done and i'm not healed from what she's done and is still doing. I've started detaching. time to GAL and leave her be.

Everything I do has a motive is sneaky or it to hurt her or to throw it in her face or she gets defensive or rude and i'm defensive back.

I have totally screwed up. She doesn't even want to see me be near me talk to me or anything anymore. I should have just went dark before it got to this because now it's just MORE JUSTIFICATION FOR HER TO NOT COME HOME