I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[james217]

T.H.A. i really really messed up. *sighs* I could really use some ecnouragement and I expect major two by fours. you guys were so right. I think I get it now. Maybe it's too late though

[DaddyLongShanks]

T.H.A. i really really messed up. *sighs* I could really use some ecnouragement and I expect major two by fours. you guys were so right. I think I get it now. Maybe it's too late though

You may as well do a 180, complete with a disassociation and GAL with some old friends. People have been telling you to do this for a long time now. YOu haven't done anything wrong, its just she's not trying to hear or see it from you. Most of us have been in that position.

[james217]

T.H.A. i really really messed up. *sighs* I could really use some ecnouragement and I expect major two by fours. you guys were so right. I think I get it now. Maybe it's too late though

You may as well do a 180, complete with a disassociation and GAL with some old friends. People have been telling you to do this for a long time now. YOu haven't done anything wrong, its just she's not trying to hear or see it from you. Most of us have been in that position.

dude i "F" ed up. If you read was happened yesterday and today you'll see it. Really really bad. Heck I been messing up the entire time. I must have did some wrong. She has totally blown up on me and told me she is starting to hate me and have never hated anyone before in her life.

sorry for the thread jack T.H.A.

[DaddyLongShanks]

T.H.A. i really really messed up. *sighs* I could really use some ecnouragement and I expect major two by fours. you guys were so right. I think I get it now. Maybe it's too late though

You may as well do a 180, complete with a disassociation and GAL with some old friends. People have been telling you to do this for a long time now. YOu haven't done anything wrong, its just she's not trying to hear or see it from you. Most of us have been in that position.

dude i "F" ed up. If you read was happened yesterday and today you'll see it. Really really bad. Heck I been messing up the entire time. I must have did some wrong. She has totally blown up on me and told me she is starting to hate me and have never hated anyone before in her life.

sorry for the thread jack T.H.A.

James217,

Your wife appears to be going the way of her family. You did what any loving husband would. Some of the DB techniques are not intuitive and go against logic, but have a better chance of working than the loving behaviors when they are far gone. Anyway don't sweat it, know that there are alot of women who want a loving man whose willing to put a lot of time and attention into them.

[RedHeadWife]

Hey, girl. How are things? Has H left? I think you still had a few days before he left. How were things before he left?

[timehealsall]

Journal:

Had a good weekend.

Friday night we had pizza night at home and watched movies.

Saturday: S5's practice was cancelled because of the weather, so we all went to the gym and worked out. We then came home and H and S went to get haircuts and do some laundry and the girls and I prepared a nice dinner. H and S came home and we all ate and then the kids got baths and went to bed. H was in the mood and although part of me didn't want to give in, I am human and have my needs too and so I did. We later watched some DVRd shows and then went to sleep.

Sunday, I went to my folks house to drop my girls off and then S and I went home and we went to H's game. we then went for a few beers and dinner at a local place.

We went home. Put S to bed and H put the trash out and I was already showered and in bed. H then showered and went into bed.

I have been very pleasant and happy and just trying NOT to think about what is going to happen. My H and I are fine in terms of how we are getting along.. I don't ask him any questions about anything and he had at one point tried to prove a point and I just told him that it really didn't matter and just let it be. H is still checked out affection-wise... does not initiate any contact and I have been trying my best not to reach out to him. I will admit, that it's hard.. I'm a touchy feely person to begin with.

This morning, I left and didn't kiss him goodbye or anything. rather just wished him a safe trip and left. he was "sleeping" or whatever. didn't acknowledge me. I would love to know what is going on in that head of his.

I have been reading Not just friends.. and alot of parts have hit the nail on the head in terms of his expectations in our marriage. My husband has expressed that he wants to feel the feeling of being in love and the romanticism that goes along with it. I guess you could say we both became comfortable in our marriage so that feeling wore off.. I guess he thinks that being that he is in the whole ILYBINILWY, he thinks that being in a relationship with someone else will give him that thrill and excitement like he had when he was in an A.

I dunno. just rambling here. I am a little sad that he is leaving today. The unknown is scary. I know that I WILL be okay no matter what.. But it's still hard to believe that this man is the same man I met 11 years ago and that was once such a vital piece of my life.

Hope everyone has a good day..

Over here, it's just another Manic Monday.

[timehealsall]

Hey, girl. How are things? Has H left? I think you still had a few days before he left. How were things before he left?

Hey girlie,

I just updated my thread.

How are you? How was your weekend?

james, I'm going over to check out your thread.

Have hope friend!

[RedHeadWife]

We had a really good weekend. We went to a parenting conference Friday night & Saturday morning. Awesome!!! It has completely changed the way we deal w/ the boys in a wonderful & good way.

Then last night, we all went out to dinner, which we haven't done in awhile. The boys are 10, 5 & 4, so that explains why. BUT, we had an awesome time! They were angels & the steak was the best!

After our D sitch, we were only "ok" for about a month before he had to leave for Korea for a whole year, so I know how it feels when they have to leave for an extended period of time. I think it will be good. Just GAL lots & when you talk to him, just act "as if" everything is wonderful and I believe he'll see what he's letting go if he goes that way.

It seems like you are in a really good place mentally though & that's great. Let him be the one who does the calling, etc.

[timehealsall]

Sounds like a great weekend and now I want some steak! lol

That's what I plan on doing.

I'm trying to remain positive, although I would be lying if I said that that dreaded dear doesn't rise in me on a daily basis.

Fear that if I pull away too much, he'll leave and won't come back. Fear that I am going to be strong and NC him and let him make the effort and that I will GAL and do my thing and that he'll LIKE the NC and won't miss me and won't realize that this marriage is what he does want.

I had complete control of myself this weekend and was very good. There were moments where I though I'd want to lose it but I'd compose myself and be okay and pull through.

I hope I can continue to.

[mrbt]

I guess you could say we both became comfortable in our marriage so that feeling wore off. I guess he thinks that being that he is in the whole ILYBINILWY, he thinks that being in a relationship with someone else will give him that thrill and excitement like he had when he was in an A.

I heard something on the radio - I think it was an interview with the author of a book titled: The Sexually Confident Wife. She had an affair and said that she learned later that it was a question of wanting INTENSITY versus INTIMACY (she finally chose intimacy and stayed married).

Intimacy is what you have in a longterm committed relationship. Intensity is what your husband is chasing but intensity can never last.