Well, I am learning more every day about how vicious the spewing from my MLC h can get. Today while I was checking my bank account online, I noticed he still had not deposited his half of the tax fee and then there was a charge for the ID protection that he had put on our joint checking account. That fee is $8.95 a month. Not a huge deal, but I just don't think I should have to keep paying for it. I have tried to have it removed, but was told we would have to be in the same room so they could talk to us together and make sure we both want it removed. Months ago h said we could do that; now he doesn't want to be near me.
So, this morning after I asked him to deposit the $8.95, he said no. His reason was that he didn't consider it his account anymore and I would just have to take care of it. I laughed and told him I didn't care if he didn't consider it his account, the fact remains it is a joint account. I told him I didn't mind paying the fee every other month until we finally had it removed, but I wasn't going to get stuck with it every month. After much weeping and gnashing of teeth on his part, he said he would pay 5 bucks of it. (apparently the extra $3.95 was going to break him!) He complained about all the money he has to give me and the bills the court ordered him to pay. I replied that this was simply part of the divorce process that he started. He wouldn't be doing any of that if he hadn't filed for divorce!
Then, true to form, he kept texting me! He was bringing up problems he had with our adult children, and I actually agreed with him on everything he said. You would have thought I was fighting against him, though. He told me he was just going to take 2 of our kids to court because they owed him money. I figured he was trying to bait me so I just said if he thought that was the best way to take care of things instead of just perhaps talking to them and letting them know they should pay him back, and if he could live with the consequences of suing his own children, then go for it. I must have hit a nerve because then he started calling me names and he has never done that in the 33 years I've known him! I told him he needs to be careful what he says and does because these things could/would come back to haunt him later on and he would suffer and regret everything he did. Then he accused me of being a psychologist and "he must have missed me getting my license."I simply told him it wasn't rocket science and just because he can't see the forest for the trees doesn't mean other people can't see that he's suffering. I told him he married a smart woman and not an idiot who is clueless about everything he's going through.
I decided to end it there and told him I really had been done after I had simply requested he pay the $8.95. After he complained again about me texting, he continued to spew. I just ignored him and didn't reply.
I went back and re-read all of the links on Monster. I'm not sure if I totally understand it all, but h seems like he is going through stages of Monster, if there is such a thing. Where in the beginning of all this, he would tell me he loves me but just can't live with me, now it's all out hatred, can't stand me and despises me! And now he's calling me names, which he never did before. That's one of the things he accused me of doing to him.
I thought that if I replied to him using facts and being sort of matter of fact in my answers it would calm him down. But, it seems like my approach only made him angrier. That's when his spewing got really vicious! I think that could possibly be because he knew I was correct in the facts and it ticked him off that I could be so matter of fact and didn't react emotionally to his attack. Am I on the right track with this?
I have only had contact with h when it involves the business of our marriage. I have totally cut off contact from him when I used to find a reason to talk to him or see him. The one thing I have noticed after I decided to try this approach is that he is lashing out at me more when we do "talk". (he insists on texting, which I hate with a passion because he doesn't want to hear my voice. I think that's because hearing me would show how I feel, not just the words and that would get to him) So, what am I to take from his increased spewing hatred at me when I hardly talk to him at all anymore? Is this just guilt on his part?
