The countdown continues

[Awoken]

This may be long; I'm really journaling for myself today.

W had asked me to leave the house around 8-9am this morning (saturday) so that she could avoid seeing me while she brought a U-haul in to move out her share of furniture and the rest of her stuff. She has friends from work helping.

I had a late gig last night, stayed out afterwards some friends, and came home around 2am. I was preparing myself to have get up in just a few more hours. When I got home, I found a note "all done" and saw that she had already completed the move.

Somehow, this little surprise hurt me. It doesn't really make any difference. Still, she simply can't wait to get away from me and wants to avoid seeing me at all costs. Yes, I want her out of the house too, but I guess I was expecting some kind of closure or interaction.

She didn't take much, but still managed to leave just enough to make deepen my wounds. Somethings big, some small. I don't know why I allow her that space in my heart still. She took ALL the photo albums (around 50), except for our wedding album. They were all in a closet. In the closet she left our wedding album, her wedding dress, and some other small items from our wedding. The album was already in the closet, but she had to place the other items. Seems deliberate, but maybe she thought she was consolidating them for me, or even more likely she simply didn't think about me at all. We agreed she would take 4 matching chairs to go with the kitchen table. She took 5, leaving the dining room table missing a chair. Again, seems like she did it on purpose. There more, but I'm sure it's all typical.

Overall, the entire house is in disarray, and I've been spending the day cleaning and trying to put it in some order. The solitude of it is shocking. She left the two cats, and one of the dogs. When I returned last night, the dog looked so forlorn, and abandoned. I thought "it's just you and me now!" Of course, my kids will be back soon, as we start alternating weeks.

We don't have a specific D agreement yet, and W has already started with some custody arguments. She wants to take the kids to her hometown again for the week of July 4th. Since she just had spring break, it really should be my turn. It's my only week of vacation during the summer. She is planning on staying there for the entire month of July and wants S14! to stay there as long as possible. There is no way I'm consenting to it, and I'm going to have to make it clear that she can't blame that on me.

Clearly, even in divorce, I'll continue to have the same issues, just with more free time and more bills. I need to be more positive than that last statement!