Oh boy, this is the worst! Would your hubby be interested in reading a book about feeding children? Could you sneak it in with the child psychologist that you are supposed to see about co-parenting?
Our OT recommended the "Food Rules" book. In it, it discusses that what your hubby did is absoloutely the wrong way to handle the sitch.
Darn it- I am trying to find the title b/c food rules is not it....
OK, I have to really try to remember here.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
June, H and I have discussed this issue many times and he is well aware of the dangers of getting coercive about food. I understand his frustration because S6's blood sugar crashes are really hard to handle. I think that H was also trying to "fix" the fact that he screwed up by not feeding S6 at the right time and wanted to make sure he ate before leaving them with me -- out of consideration for me. But underlying all this is that H has weird overreactions to a lot of the daily challenges with the kids. Stuff like that is an emotional trigger for H. When one of the children is out of control, H gets really worked up and loses his own equilibrium. Actually, the same problem with me -- any distress or negativity from me would completely trigger him. I will probably bring it up by email and restate my concern about getting involved in power struggles with food and make it clear that I avoid interfering in his parenting but I can't back him up if he chooses to use that strategy.
When H was still living with us, a huge amount of my life energy went into being the calm rock that everyone could count on during the various emotional storms. I won't lie - I had my storms too, but I wasn't nearly as moody and volatile as H was.
Last edited by flowmom; 04/17/1003:04 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Is he an anxious, uptight type of guy? A black and white thinker? Not very flexible?
Somethings you mentioned reminded me of my hubby. If I was upset with something he did- he would get upset way more over my upset. "Why are you getting me all distraught over this...", "Do you know how much you upset me?..." stuff like that.....
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Is he an anxious, uptight type of guy? A black and white thinker? Not very flexible?
He switches into the above often, esp under stress. Intense German and Swiss-german parents too.
Last edited by flowmom; 04/17/1011:52 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
A distant but sweet aunt died today. In her 60s, not so old. She was in the sandwich generation, and worked full time while also caring for a special needs child and a sick and elderly mother. It was never her turn . A reminder to not waste the precious moments, hours, and days that we have been given.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Sorry to highjack FM, Wellrr22, the real thing he would say over and over was: "I hate you, I don't even want to be friends with you. If I had friends that were friends with you I would try to avoid you..."
Nice, right?
Honestly, I had gotten quite naggy and bitchy but my hubby could not handle any discord it would freak him out big time. Seems like much of life had been bad for quite a while- bad pregnancies, cocky very sickly kids, money issues (my layoff, trying to work from home), my discontent with our sex life, no quality time together, serious serious lack of sleep, health issues for both of us, etc. Oh yeah my saying on a message board that with the way things are I would consider cheating someday maybe....
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
june72: thanks for sharing. i'm going to look at your thread. seems like a real turnaround story. congrats! life brings us those places sometime! good for you to be able to make it all right again.
that food thing is ridiculous. and i can see how he would think it was not a big deal to say such a thing. probably a problem that WILL recur if his schedule is erratic. maybe H just needs to plan to pack his refrig. with snacks weekly and not count on going out so much or whatever he's doing. maybe he would be willing to to avoid meltdowns and tiedowns.
. A reminder to not waste the precious moments, hours, and days that we have been given.