Your husband's testing you. He's testing you like a spoilt angry child.
Consequences are reality Pass. The more reality you bring into his life, the more he has to think long term.
When you expose, he has to think about what he's doing. It was a first step. When you bring his parents into things to confront him, he has to think again. Each time you bring someone in to support YOU and HE has to think more it puts the squeeze on him. He will rant and squirm. you let him. Do not have lunch with him and play around like life is all fun... you put the squeeze on him until he makes an adult commitment and apologizes.
Eventually it will be all the people that care about him on one side with you, and him alone on the other. THEN the choice for him is as PAINFUL as possible.. he has no where else to run. He has to grow up and make an adult choice for once in his life.
If you don't press him he's 'just going to keep testing you. Tonight he learned he can do as he pleases and the consequence is you giving him a cold stare privately in his kitchen - not particularly scary enough to give him cause to think a second time.
And Lotus, we have NO IDEA if its just a facebook page, he's going out at night til 4 AM and NOT ACCOUNTABLE for his whereabouts. If you ignore it, he's just going to push even HARDER to see what ELSE he can get away with. Eventually he will be mounting OW right in front of Passenger to push her buttons.
Put a stop to it now.
The thing is, him leaving to go to a friend's place must be HIS choice. Do NOT throw him out. He will just tell everyone YOU threw HIM out and that HE has license to do what he wants.
I say pack the suitcase, invite him to make an honest commitment WITH HIS KIDS THERE IN FULL KNOWLEDGE OF THE AFFAIR. All three of you put the suitcase there on the floor and ask him to recommit to no contact and family therapy. Tell him his current behaviour is unwelcome in your home, but you would love to have your husband and father to come in the door tonight. ALL THREE OF YOU CONFRONT HIM THIS TIME.
