New and Needing Advice (Long)

[Gnosis]

One more thing... if you go back on your word tomorrow or the next day and allow her back into the home without a word... you're screwed. A man's word is his bond. You break your word and she will lose more respect from you.

From this point forward you have zero trust... and she's going to have to work to regain that trust. That means she is going to have to earn it. The freer your give her that trust the less she values and appreciates it. You're going to have to be strong from this point forward.

You will need to go as dark as possible now and let her worry about what else you are going to do. You DO NOT tell her beforehand that you're going to file for D. You do not tell her anything about your life or what you are doing or how you are feeling. She lost those rights.

Right now you need to work on YOU and get your head straight.

[Gnosis]

Yeah, it does go against calm cool and collected, but you know what? That wasn't working and it did nothing but frustrate me and drag everything out.

No worries, like I said here:

but that's good because you've been TOO much of that in the past.

I did 100% mean everything in what I said. I've just had enough and she needs to either realize that or let's get this over.

It's good you meant what you said because you're going to be tested on it.

I guess they don't call it liquid courage for nothing.

You did much better than most of the guys here who drunk dial their WAW's and beg, borrow, cry and tell them ILU and I miss you.

My advice to you still applies. Read it. Take it to heart. There is a long road ahead and you need to keep your head while reclaiming your nuts.

[Confused Guy]

Thanks for the support. Really.

[Gnosis]

You're welcome. I don't post much on the board anymore and I can't promise to keep following. You're in good hands with Gucci, Rob and Puppy. They give very good advice.

[DownNotOut...yet]

One more thing... if you go back on your word tomorrow or the next day and allow her back into the home without a word... you're screwed.

+1000 on this. I warned you about the beers but you actually did good BUT now the line in the sand is drawn. This is a crucial juncture. If you cave, she will own you and your marriage will be all but done (my opinion).

I can't remember the sitch but I do recall one other guy in a similar sitch where he put all his chips in. He didn't blink and his wife came back in tears and apologies, the whole nine yards. He is long gone now. Maybe someone else will remember. That is the one bummer with this place. The success stories move on quickly. It gives the impression of less success than there actually is.

Stay strong. We are with you.

[Confused Guy]

Thanks guys. I'm home now. Nothing I said to her was in any way under a drunken haze so I really do t think I'm going to break here. I think that the combination of just getting out with friends and away from everything and have a few beers to just loosen up my nerves really did the trick. I feel really good about what I said to her. I think it made a clear statement that I'm not going to be pushed around anymore, but that if she's willing to work on herself, I'm not going to just dismiss our marriage. I don't know. I guess all I can do is stick by what I believe and said. The rest is up to her to figure out. I'm not waiting around very long for that, but I'm going to stay clear from her and let he make the next move. I know I'll react and deal with it in the right way, one way or another. Again, thanks for eveyones support. God, what a great night!!!

[DaddyLongShanks]

Confused Guy,

It usually takes a while for them to get rid of those OM's. Even after the OM relationship is broke, they will be looking for them. They may also look for another. Decide from the information here if your willing to go through this cycle completely, its not easy. Plus half of her support structure may support her ways, so if its not OM it may be someone else, they may have you "out". Just throwing some stuff out there.

DB'ing is harder than it looks, but you did one of the phases very well - in that you GOT OUT, had FUN, and didn't think about it. Your going to have to keep doing this, and if you want to be in her, kinda live in parallel and have some faith that she will see the error in her ways and come home.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'll be filing petition on Monday and making the moves to end this marriage asap.

Wow, is that all the fight you have in you, CG? You go from whiny-little-b*tch doormat to filing for divorce, in two days? With nothing in-between, other than drinking too much (against the explicit advice you were given yesterday evening) and blasting her?

Good luck with that.

Puppy

[Steve McQueen]

Last Resort Technique. It's going to be worth every penny.

She is going to have to make a decision about what is important in her life. She is going to have to wake up.

[DaddyLongShanks]

I'll be filing petition on Monday and making the moves to end this marriage asap.

Wow, is that all the fight you have in you, CG? You go from whiny-little-b*tch doormat to filing for divorce, in two days? With nothing in-between, other than drinking too much (against the explicit advice you were given yesterday evening) and blasting her?

Good luck with that.

Puppy

I think it may be a completely rational decision, when all of us know dealing with a WAW is insanity in that your dealing with an alien.