"All rise"

[25yearsmlc]

The poor kids....I told my kids that "if I got to do it all over again, and the only way I could have YOU KIDS in my life was to go thru all this again, I'd do it all over again in a heart beat b/c You are the best thing that ever happened to me." It helped to say that. We never ever want the kids to think they aren't worth this, b/c they are, and b/c it's the one thing I said that made them feel more valuable at a time they needed to hear it. And b/c even if it's not true, why tell the innocent ones that? They see the pain we were/are in and in real life they should be the center of our worlds but instead our "issues" are...which sucks for them.

Our older d once asked me if the reason we were fighting & maybe divorcing was b/c of them - and I said "on the contrary, The reason we are trying to stay married is b/c of YOU..." which seemed to comfort her. It's true. (Besides, even if you don't feel that way, why tell THE KIDS? )

Back to "Crazy WAS contest"...so many entries, so many "crazy batchitt awards" to give out. Must ponder more.

So far, I love the "Didn't FEEL married, so it's not cheating" and "it's not an affair b/c it's no longer secret" (why? b/c she got caught?) So far, those are near the top of my list.

Um, MEANEST things to say are in a diff awards category. But the crazy stuff is sometimes worse b/c it makes the LBSer wonder if they're being gaslighted (For those of you under 35-Gaslight is a film in which the h tries to convince his w that she is going crazy by h denying reality all around, with both little and big things..."no your purse wasn't on the table, it's NEVER been on the table" etc.) And it delays the LBSer's "awakening". FIB I think you can address that someday when you're in the mood.

So for the LBSer trying to figure out what is happening AND what to do about it, and what to expect, the crazy stuff is also harder b/c when it's all just mean stuff coming from the WAS, you KNOW you need to get out or you realize it sooner, whereas If the WAS flips back and forth, then so do you...and your life becomes purgatorial.

My biggest regret is the time consumed trying to understand the incomprehensible. Sure, some things must be addressed but the idea that we'll ever "get" what ALL happened in their heads is inaccurate. And when they have real amnesia or revised history or whatever you want to call it, don't expect to have the same recall even if and when you DO reconcile. Let go of the idea that you'll agree on the past....yikes...

Actions we would NEVER take, are beyond our ken and do not need to be "understood" so much to me b/c what matters is whether the WAS gets it enough that they won't do it again. You know, going forward...not always wondering what the heck just happened in the past.

We want to comprehend b/c if we can understand it, we THINK we can better control our lives or future or "it". I think trying to grasp what is going on makes sense for a time, then we need to move on, GAL and take care of ourself. Don't let it go on and on....

So, Award nomination categories are 1) "Batchitt crazyiest Remark" ; 2) "Meanest Jerkiest Comment", and how about 3) "Most Amnesia" in a WAS?

I am open to more awards categories (of course!). And now, for the nominations...please continue...

Ooops, HEY FIB mind this hijack? It's taken a turn -but I'm liking it- and we are on a roll of sorts...is this okay? (then again, I say you started it...sort of)

j-