Great Gatsby! Thanks for stopping by! I know I know I said Jan 1 but I was not ready. Someone else made a point of saying it is dangerous to set deadlines or timelines. I feel like since I started this ball of wax I have to proceed and go the course. That's why I am sooooo impressed you have the wherewithall to act before it gets out of hand! Seriously I did not discover divorcebusting until October 09!
Now this might sound harsh and I am not angry or "yelling" when I say it and it is annoying. BUT (sigh) once your child is born, you might have a different opinion about growing up in split homes. SORRY GATSBY- I just know that I had a preconceived idea of sharing S 50/50 when he was 1 and then he was born and I thought 1) how the hell could I be without him? and 2) that is selfish- he needs both mother AND FATHER
so because of 2) (and my own unresolved absent father issues lol!)
I chose a different path. SO I get the whole idea of wanting to believe your child will be okay but I am a teacher and have seen too much and I have a background (minor) in psychology and I know too much.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS PEOPLE!!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
FM- yes, fear can be paralyzing. Luckily I know this and am going to my therapist next week to discuss it. I have this f'd up mindset that MOST PEOPLE divorce after their children are older than 9 months but I do know that is not true- some moms do not have a father willing to stick around.
I have always had trouble letting myself accept that my problems are just as bad as others because I am so aware that others have it worse. Like some people lose their husbands to war or some people have husbands that beat them or some people have a baby and live in their car. AND 3rd World country problems! So because of the comparison of problems I have discounted my own but now I am truly ready to confront this as a valid fear and issue worth addressing. I am weird- I stated that before!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Newmama, your fears ARE legitimate. Sorry if I seemed like I was dismissing them. No matter how much I accept and detach, I don't think I'll ever be at peace with what divorce means for my children. But no matter how much I want my children to grow up in an intact family, that's not something I can make happen for my children. Only if H has a change of heart and a sudden willingness and ability to shift would it be possible. "Intact family" is therefore out of my control at this point. I have to find a way of forgiving myself for this happening to my children. And it will involve many hours in IC to get there I'm sure.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Could be, could be, Newmama. Maybe I'll change my mind. I definitely think "never say never"!
(I forgot that we're both teachers, yay! I've got middle school.)
But I really do believe that kids can be okay through so many situations. The definition of "okay" can vary, ha ha. . . but I personally can't worry about her ultimate outcome right now. There are too many factors I can't control!
I should state very loud and clear that I am idealistic and optimistic. I thought that would shake with the situation I just went through but. . . I guess not!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
I started washing the deck- am 2/3rds done. I wanted to use the shop vac to suck up some pine needles in tight spaces, so I hauled it over to the deck and then had to find a way to plug it into an extension cord...but I did. THEN I turned on the shop vac but it was blowing air out! I looked all over for a switch to make it suck...I tried going online to look up how to use the vac but my internet was down! So I called my one male friend who lives across the country to help me out and he explained that there are two "holes" for the hose to attach to and I needed to switch holes. I WOULD HAVE NEVER EVER GUESSED THAT!
So WH dropped off S and noticed I had started to clean the deck and gave me a suggestion for getting the pollen off. He said "we" a couple times. I was feeling pissed off at him and didnt want to look at him.Luckily he was only there for 15 minutes- he had asked me if S and I needed to get packed up to go somewhere.
Anyway I am feeling kind of down today trying to figure out what I want to do. And overwhelmed by dating. I wish they had a single moms meet up. I could use a friend who lives nearby (I have fabulous friends from college that I love but live 1-2hours away and they have their own happily married families to deal with!)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
(((newmama))) Sorry to hear you're feeling down today. It's so rare that we read about your PMA dipping. It's a tough place for you being in limbo, especially now that all the cards are on the table. If I lived closer I'd take you out for a drink .
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
