Mr. P, you are getting excellent advice from some of the most experienced vets. You may not like it but it works.
As a woman who has had a ho hum sex life for the past nine years, I completely agree with Rob's assessment. I wasn't interested because, frankly, it was boring & BF wasn't doing it for me. Yawn. (Yes, it was my responsibility to speak up.) When we started piecing the sex was a lot more passionate & I did start telling him what I want. A lot of the time that is for him to take control and do what he wants. It may sound trite but even women who are very strong and independent in all other areas of life want and enjoy an alpha male in the bedroom.
It does spill over to other facets of life. If you are nothing but a Nice Guy (aka doormat) then your W will not respect you and do whatever she wants whenever she wants because she can. You can and should establish and enforce boundaries as Puppy describes. If you don't you should just resign yourself to doormat status and the accompanying treatment.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
