Piano, you are not being harsh! you are being honest! i have been following your thread and read Allen's comments, and take them as if he is writing to me too... hahaha.
you are 100% right... i say we can not be friends and somehow i get pulled in. i need to find the stregnth to not only stop contacting him, but to ignore him. I'm not sure that H and i have a good chance of saving the marriage... i just think that H is extremely selfish. he wants me in his life as his friend to condone what he did, make him feel better about himself and to be close to the baby. I can not continue to be used and abused. sorry.. i cant do it anymore. H replied to my short & sweet email, and said he feels like i am giving him an ultimatum... well hello?!?!?!?!? you left me and i cant say we can not be friends... so i replied back that i am strong enough to do this on my own. i get the stregnth everyday to forget about you, am too excited about baby to worry about you and dont need you in my life. I will have someone contact you when the baby is born, as for us, we have nothing further to discuss.
i cant take someone in my life who is not 100% all-together. i have a baby on the way... cant take care of H and his insecurities and need for me to be his crutch in life.
i need someone to put me on a pedestal, not someone who knocks me down everytime i started feeling stronger.
Wow, how my posts have changed... talk about Rollercoaster ride... i just went through the biggest loop of my life! and now I am getting of this damn ride i had enough! Between H and the hormones... i am really wearing myself out!
I am making myself Anti-H goals:
1. do not contact H for any reason what so ever 2. If H contacts me I am ignoring him, his calls, his texts, etc 3. Do not include H in any baby plans, names, birthing classes, etc.
My personal goals
1. find a name for this precious baby! 2. Take care of myself, go to the spa, and get pampered! 3. Do things I enjoy like taking long walks, and spending tme with family and friends 4. FORGET whats-his-name and turn all my energy into ME!
gatsby, i like your idea of goals H has to meet if he is even interested in reconciliation... i am going to work on them! just not now... i am taking a vacation from thinking about H.
Sad part is... I have moments where i truly dont believe i could love H, knowing he is capable of doing this or capable of treating someone this way. I love the old H... not this guy...
My brain is tired of thinking for me... one minute i am high on hope... next minute i swear there is no way in hell things could ever work...
i'm tired of DBing and detaching, and everything... i was finally starting to feel better and really working on GAL, and then H comes charging in and drives me nuts! I think he is calculating and selfish and everything he does is with an alterior motive... one which only benefits him.
Do you think when our babies are born, we will be so in love with them and consumed, and too tired from lack of sleep to miss our Hs? I hope so. Everyone swears the baby takes over your heart... its easy for them to say, they all have their Hs by their side... i dont know anymore...
Cant stress... doc says no good for the baby and contractions!
