The journey begins

[antlers]

And the harder it is for her financially the more she'll listen to her attorney on trying to get every last penny she can from me.

My experience has been that they are gonna do that anyway! Has nothin' to do with how hard it is on them financially. Their attorney will encourage them to get anything and everything they can...regardless! They've convinced themselves of something other than what the truth really is, and they feel entitled to everything and anything they can get...and right or wrong has nothing to do with it! It's a real eye-opener....kinda hard to get your brain around it. They are primarily concerned with themselves, and themselves only! Saying they are concerned about the well-being of the kids is crap. They say things based on what they want it to be, instead of what it is! They convince themselves of crap that's not true in order to justify their actions.
Sorry if I sound jaded...it's because I am!
Mountains of legal paperwork, the constant hatefulness and vindictiveness from her at every step, and the kids being in crisis...that'll do it, in addition to the financial devestation...not to mention the destruction of the marriage, the family, and all of the hopes and dreams for the future.

Sincerily,
Norman Vincent Peale

[ClingingToHope]

Antlers, I'll find out in a couple of weeks. There's been mixed messages. February, we talked over a deal that would have worked for me. Then I get her initial filing and she went back on everything we talked about and was shooting for a lot more.

At our first mediation she was shooting for more money, thought I should have about half the time with the girls that I have now.

Then at the second mediation I kept my mouth shut and let her do all of the talking and she gave me much of what I wanted.

So we'll see what happens at the settlement conference when her attorney is in the room.

[ClingingToHope]

Interesting night. I have the girls this weekend and D7 called a friend who is also ADHD to stay the night. They are getting along great and are upstairs watching TV.

D11 has been laying on the couch with me, but is now in the basement because she's just exhausted. She's been coughing all night, so that's a concern.

STBXW said she was going to drop by to drop off a check for money she owes me but didn't show. Oh well.

[ClingingToHope]

Just got an email from STBXW. No biggie, but the fact that she sent it at this time means she's not with someone at least on this night. Why, why, why do I care? Because I think I'll always care.

[ClingingToHope]

Packed in a trip to Happy Joe's, softball practice and a camp with a slide down a hill and a rock climbing with the girls and one of D7's friends all before 2 p.m.

Now I'm seriously tired. I'm going to have to get back into continuous fun shape.

[mishka422]

That is a CRAZY amount of stuff to do in such a short amount of time!

[ClingingToHope]

Rest of the day has been at the apartment. Kids in and out. This really is a pretty good place to live from April through October. It's November through March when weather is bad that it's a problem.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Why, why, why do I care? Because I think I'll always care.

CTH, it's only natural to care when we still have feelings for our WASs. You can't expect to be a light switch and turn your feelings off. I struggle with the same lack of detachment issues. Keeping yourself busy with the kids and GAL'ing helps mostly but not completely.

I try to remind myself that we all make choices in life some good and some bad and we're the ones that have to live with the consequences for the rest of our lives. So make sure the choices YOU make are the ones that you don't regret later on.

[ClingingToHope]

From the "I don't know what I want" file. At dinner, D11 was talking about this open house STBXW took them to. It was in the same price range as the house we own now, but it had an inground pool. She was going on and on about how cool it was.

I'm torn. We're seriously underwater on the house. At best, hopefully our lender will let us sell it as a short sale and not come after us for the difference.

At best in the settlement STBXW is going to owe me money to even up the retirement accounts. She may also owe money to even up the cars and to take some of the credit card debts.

I plan on using all of it to pay off debt so I have more to live on and save each paycheck. Buying a house? That's a couple of years off at least.

So as far as I can tell she's going to have nothing for a downpayment and you can't buy a house after the real estate bubble burst without at least 3 percent down and more likely 5 percent.

Plus, if we have to go short-sale route then it'll be 2 to 3 years before a lender would take a chance on her anyway.

The only thing I don't know about is her mom. The MIL is down to less than $15k on a $50,000 home equity line she took out several years ago. She may give the money to STBXW to buy a house. But again, if we have to short-sale then there's no way STBXW can buy without at least 10 percent down.

None of this should be my concern. I should only be concerned about where the girls live. But ... well, hell, I hate to say that I want her to suffer a bit. Just stepping into some nice house while I bounced from a friend's place to a townhouse would sting.

[ClingingToHope]

Weirdest thing sent me down the emotional spiral this morning. D7 was demanding I get Internet. I haven't been paying for it, instead bringing home a work computer with a 3G card.

It works great. But since I don't have Internet D7 can't get additional channels on the Wii.

I didn't see why it was a big deal, but then she told me STBXW isn't getting Internet at home anymore. She said she can't afford it.

Now, I don't know if that means she can't do work from home anymore. She was touting her ability to bring work home as a reason she wasn't going to work as late anymore.

But what gets me down is she would rather live poor than live with me. That just hurts.