I know when I've not wanted to see H it's been because I haven't felt like putting the energy into DBing, and because the distance between us feels unnatural and awkward. You don't have to see him if you don't want to! I have no choice because of the kids.
This could be it. I don't have the energy to do that right now. I agree on the distance feeling unnatural and awkward. It's too hard to treat my spouse like he's a mere acquaintance.
I think I may be going into self-protection mode after all this time. I don't want to suffer the sadness and heartbreak every time I see him, so it seems easier to distance myself and avoid seeing him. On the other hand, am I doing what he does when he escapes?
