Learning how to "do" relationships again isn't easy! I sure don't know how! But I have figured out, finally, that there are interesting people out there. And that they are not all looking for reasons to dislike me! And, in fact, some of them even find me interesting! My date last night, even though there wasn't any kind of spark at all, still was fun to talk to over dinner. She still said I made her laugh, and that I was a nut! And that was from an "unsuccessful" date!
I have been thinking about how I started to recover, and I really do believe it was here, on these boards. I just posted as myself, I don't act. I do have a bit of a sense of humor, I don't take myself seriously. And I really started to like the people here. And, I started to get the clue that they really liked me, too! Who'da thunk it? A couple years ago (gosh, could it be that long ago?) I had dinner with MichelleLT as she was passing through town for some training nearby. And what do you know? I could have dinner, and talk, to a really nice, pleasant, intelligent woman, and the world didn't come to an end. I didn't have to try to be someone else, and it was ok! I met Lola for dinner once, as I was passing through her former hometown, and again, she didn't look at me like I had three eyes! Maybe, just maybe, I'm ok!
Anyway, my point is, that I was able to use the boards as validation of myself. (It is true that at the same time I was in C, and that didn't hurt, either.) I'd been torn down for years, and the virtual (though very real) friends I made here really helped me to see that I was a person that someone might enjoy spending time with.
