I agree dls. if she got fired it would spell disaster for his finances. Also he is not sure right now if he even wants her back. he is going to give it a couple weeks and then decide how to proceed. he is aware that om w is a card he has to play if he does decide on reconciliation.
he has his stuff together. he is doing well in the dating dept. although he has had impotency problems because he is still very attracted to his wife. I mentioned just going to casual dating, keep sex out of it for the time being, make a rational decision about your marriage and take it from there. I also thought retro would be good for them if they decide to see if they could make it work. he lists trust as his main reason for not wanting it work on the marriage right now
W came over to get the boys shoes. She talks about how she felt our marriage started deteriorating since the first year. 7 years ago. She talked about how we had goals and we reached them, but they were all wrong as far as building a relationship. I told her that i'm happy she found someone, but I will never respect him for what he has done. She says she will be sorry until the day she dies for the kids and for us not working out. I said I will to, but we just have to do what we can to make it alright for them. It was nice. We will always love each other. Just not meant to be together.
Went to soccer together and had a nice 1hr talk with W while there. Her and I seem to get along great now. So weird when there isn't the pressure of the relationship on you anymore. We seem like we could be really good friends in the future. She knows how I feel about her current bf, but if he was out of the picture I could see us working and doing a lot together in the future with the kids. This may be the most amicable divorce ever. I guess we will see when I get the settlement statement comes.
W says it isn't that she isn't about looks or love that was the problem with our relationship. It was that we just lost our emotional connection. I couldn't agree more. Everything began to suffer once we started accumulating stress in our relationship. Over the past 3 years it's just got progressively worse as our stress levels with jobs, money and house became overwhelming. We always had a decent sex life, but our quality time basically diminished to nothing. Even when we tried to do fun things together, we just weren't ourselves and it just didn't feel right. I just don't know if that kind of connection is sustainable when their is real life surrounding you. I feel so much more at ease around her now and can talk to her like her friend when their is no other stresses between us.
another good day spent with W getting the house ready to sell. We talked, got along, had fun together. Divorce really feels like the right thing to do. For all those still struggling with their situation. It truly is when you live "Divorce Busting" that you can feel the peace and freedom that you deserve. Let the walk-aways be in love with their feelings while you are in control of yours.
O.K. got some real questions here now. Had another good day at inlaws yesterday, W came over with kids and had a good time. She calls today and wants to talk. We meet at my place and she tells me that she still loves me and doesn't want me to think that she just walked away from our marriage. She doesn't like to be away from the kids or have them have to grow up in a broken home. I don't like the idea of step-dad and she doesn't like step mom. She just doesn't really feel anything for me. She doesn't know if she wants to work on us. I would say that I am in a very similar place. I do love her. I enjoy her more than I have in many years. I have seen her change drastically in our 6.5 month separation. I told her that if we do work on us, it will take a long time to really see if what we can have together will be fulfilling. I said it could be a year or more before we can really tell. She doesn't want to move back in, to which I agree. I think it would just create confusion for our kids unless we really know what we are doing.
I think that if we did work on us, I would want the end result to be a marriage where we fill complete physically, emotionally and spiritually. Anything less would be a reason where I think we would just be better off divorced. I see our children as a great reason to try to work on us, but absolutely no reason to stay together if that is all we have.
I guess my questions are : Is the way we feel normal? For those that have completed piecing, is your marriage everything you ever wanted? What would be a good way to proceed with our situation? I think we both know that we are going to be fine regardless of what happens with us. We are enjoying our lives without each other. We just don't want to look back with any regrets.
I think the doubts you feel are normal; I still have them. The ups and downs, the doubt, the self-talk imagining yourself alone, all of it makes doubting good feelings natural.
The real question TJack might be what you want most - a marriage with her (assuming some change from both of you) or a divorce?
If you want a M the most, move only in that direction without any looking back. Make the full commitment and expect from her the same in time. Keep venting here instead of at her if you need to vent, see an IC for your own issues, and that kind of stuff.
My kids? Very confused. But, so am I. As a teacher, I think confused can leave kids worried, but hopeful. A divorce steals away that hope. If you think the kids are old enough, maybe talk it out with them and let them know you're trying and that you both need some mental space to work things out...so they need to see your school counsellor or whatever but not to look too deep into what is going on. Promise to keep them in the loop as things change.
The kind of M you want ("we fill complete physically, emotionally and spiritually") takes time, doesn't it?
One thing that helped for me was Retrouville. Maybe some weekend gig to respark your 'love bank' might help.
