Just let it slide. They no not the evil that they do.
As for the MLC argument, aging is just a portion of it. There's usually some additional triggers (life change) that would make it an MLC. Death in the family, job loss, empty nest, etc.
Sounds more like your H is just conflict avoiding. He sees that its easier to run away and keep going to what makes him "feel" happy rather than stopping and thinking "hey maybe it's me!"
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Passenger, there are many who are cynical about MLC and as Saffie mentioned it is refered to as many different things.It can as Bond says be triggered by different sitchs and you could spend time and energy working out what that trigger was and never find the right answer.Only you know.
If your H has cheated several times it could be he has started his MLC, not gone through all the stages and each A is recognition of the fact he has not addressed his issues.No matter what,it is his crisis, it is his journey, his issues and only he can fix it. You will send yourself crazy.I think the key thing here is you and you looking after yourself.Your H knows you love him and that you want to save your marriage. The difference with a MLC A is it is much more difficult to end because your H is confused and in a deep depression. If he is deep in Replay,there is little you can do to snap him out of it.You can however look after yourself,GAL and show him that there is a safe passage home if he choses to take it.This may take time.My concern is pushing it will cause him to bounce out of one relationship into the next. Our sitch are all different.We all read material intensively.You are being bombarded with lots of advice because we all want to help..Focus on what you can control, not what you cannot BUT look after YOU.
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Argh! He just responded to her facebook post about the KFC bunless double down - she posted a pic he posted "genius."
One of the ways they have soooo much in common, they both like food don't you know?
No contact! He's getting a piece of my mind tonight. Yes, Puppy, boundaries, I'm setting them tonight. It will probably drive him out the door. He's probably going to run right to her, but I am done, fed up. I have made up my mind. Now I just have to approach it correctly. And what are the consequences? I don't have any for him. Kick him out? This is where his children live. Put him on the couch? Already there. Say I've had enough? Some consequence. See, I just don't know what a consequence is that I can give him.
Personally I would have his bags packed and waiting for him at the front door. If he asks why you did it, you tell him that he crossed the line and your personal boundary as his W and so now he has to leave.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
My first instinct is to say I would ask him if he would like to go and move in with OW and her H whilst he gets his head together - but I would just be being snarky. He probably expects that sort of a reaction anyways.
My other instinct though is to say stop looking at FB - it's baiting you and is stupid. Maybe what they are doing is just stupid idiocy but not an A. What they are discussing isn't exactly high cuisine is it for goodness sakes - take it at face value - childish rubbish. I am sure they know you are watching and get a rise out of thinking this is killing you.
As you seem to have no 'consequences' you feel ready/ able to implement, you need to ignore it and get on with your own life. To do that you need to stop spying. I am with 25yrs on this one - what's the point if you can't act on the information? it just hurts you.
As for the weekend business - you didn't discuss it - once more you took control and decided to go away by yourself. He was pleasant when you told him. There was no right or wrong but there are two sides to looking at these things. For the moment I would just act well and look after yourself.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Mr Bond has given you an example of consequence... Pass, there ARE MANY you can put out there to him, but a lot of them you are likley afraid to use...
Pass, I would add to Mr Bond's that you expose this affair to both his kids and meet him at the door as a FAMILY and hand him his suitcase... don't do this solo... you need to expose to his kids to get his attention... in my opinion the exposure on that deeper level IS a consequence for him.. and he will be PISSED
But.. it shows HIM you won't sit there and have him push you around... and he IS pushing you around... its passive aggressive, but he IS pushing you around.
He KNOWS you watch the facebook postings, and he did it anyways. He's making this into a passive aggressive shoving match...
You meet him at the door with his suitcase in hand for him, with his kids there ready to hit him for cheating on you... that is a push back so he knows you won't sit and take it.
Pass CAN act on this Saffie, she's not powerless here...
The problem is each time her H pushes her, she has to make MORE PAINFUL CHOICES to show him she's not going to allow him to walk on her consequence free.
The price THIS time is exposure to his kids and a suitcase.
This is just one sample Pass, I am sure you can find others... But the point is, he's pushing you to see what you have...
He knows this will set you off... he's testing your resolve and your courage... Show him how serious you are that he stop this hurtful game of his.
1. Expose to his kids 2. Pack his suitecase 3. Meet him at the door with the kids behind you. 4. Don't even let him in the house. Lock the doors and stand firm.
You offer him the suitcase, you tell him
a. Full transparency plan and no contact
or...
b. Leave
You have both kids script that he is hurting them too... THEY tell him this... And they tell him to stop it, full transparency, or he leaves... have all three of you tell him this time.
Make sure you do NOT throw him out... you make the choice HIS... he can't come in without agreeing to ALL THREE of you that he will stop. And he agrees to full transparency at all times and will surrender all passwords etc... NO DEFENSIVENESS whatsoever.
All three of you recite the same confrontation script and he has to make a choice right there.. his home, family, and marriage... or the suitcase.
