Just found out she already filed

[smith18]

Dont send her that letter. It makes you sound needy and weak.

Dont make things easy for her. She wants to get a divorce and you cant stop her. But you can start by making her feel some of the consequences of the future as a single mother. Continuing to help her out (ie Costco membership) is not something you should be doing. Separate the finances if you have not already done so.

Move forward as a confident single guy with a daughter. Dont focus on the past. If you make yourself and your daughter happy, that is the best possible thing that could cause your W to reconsider before the D is final.

[ImprovedRomeo]

FM, Kerry - I am weak for her! FM was it you that posted that website about why couples argue? it talked about two types of people. For one type it said that those people always need someone else to tell them that they're good, smart, handsome etc. I'm really starting to believe that in my dumps I've become that person without a lot of self-confidence

Kerry, I just saw your blog. How cute your kids are!! I saw pics of Death Valley and had to check to see if you were in SoCal too. Alas you're in OR?

I won't send the email...I just feel that she might feel like I've abandoned her or that I don't care about her and she'll make me pay for it in the D process

[ImprovedRomeo]

STBXW just sent this:

"If you aren't doing anything on Sunday, do you want to pick DD up in the am? I'm scheduled for a ride at 630am to Solana beach. Of course if you already have something to do I'd be happy to get out of his training ride. It's the last one for our century. In the future I'll only ride on weekends that I don't have DD. Just let me know either way, thanks!"

Ugh! I'd totally do it but I was going to the Long Beach Grand Prix with a friend (who got the pass for me). I feel guilty about saying no to her

[flowmom]

Don't feel guilty about your GAL! That's the best thing you can do for yourself and your chances for reconciliation. Sucking up to her and being always-available would be the worst thing that you can do right now.

And I hear you on the low self-esteem. Like most LBS, you are internalizing the rejection that your W has heaped on you. But you can start turning that around today .

[ImprovedRomeo]

You're right, I sent her a quick response a bit ago:


"I really wish I could but I'm going to the Long Beach Grand Prix on Sun. I checked to see if I could get an extra pass for DD but just found out that they're all out.

Sorry
"

I still feel bad...I would be the first one to cancel any important plans just to be with the fam.

[alice444]

oh good, I was about to dust off MY 2x4 . Enjoy yourself and have a great time, do not feel guilty. You are not letting anyone down- but you would let down yourself, if you cancel your plans.

[ClingingToHope]

This has been my internal rule. If STBXW asks me to take the girls because of her job I tend to say yes.

If STBXW asks me to take the girls so she can go partying with her townie bar friends then I say no.

Sometimes I feel guilty, but I'm not ready to enable her to find someone else.

[ImprovedRomeo]

I appreciate everyone's input!

CTH, I hear you about enabling them to party BUT! if she can move out without help, without a job etc. she'll figure out a way to 'party' if she wants to. We can't control their actions, only ours...but like you said we don't have to be an accessory to their crimes! lol

[ClingingToHope]

I just am not mentally strong enough to be a free baby sitter while she's swilling beer in biker bars.

[whatisis]

I babysat when my STBX went to the Orient with her lover, she even called me to ask what I'd like her to bring back for me. I almost said "your friends head in a bag would be really nice"