The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

D11 had her audition for the church youth band. She tried out as a singer. She struggled at first but rallied at the end and the director said they'll include her in the practices this summer for next fall's performances.

It's STBXW's night so she brought them, but Dll wanted me there. So STBXW and D7 went exploring during the audition.

It was the first time to this church for STBXW. I started going right away when we split up. I picked it because it's a large evangelical church with 7,000 members and I was bound to know someone and I figured it would have things I could do.

It took some getting used to. The girls, though, love it. They make the Sunday school extremely fun and there's always lots of kids to do things with.

It's too big for STBXW. She grew up in a small church and there's no way she'd come to this. The girls were going on and on.

After, they begged her to eat at the restaurant we always eat at on Sundays. It was open and I said I'd split it so we had our first "family" meal since Christmas.

It was fun. D11 went on and on about the audition and stuff she does at the church. D7 was wired. Running around. Talking to the chef.

It was a good meal and it took a while to get the girls to the car. They kept asking STBXW when she was going to come back and she wouldn't commit.

A funny point was when D11 said "come this Sunday so daddy's not lonely."

I laughed. I usually sit on Sundays with one of STBXW's old high school classmates and her husband. They aren't really friends anymore. Some grudge that goes back to high school and the fact STBXW knows I'm friends with her.

I didn't tell STBXW who I usually sit with though. I just smiled.

It was a good night. On a scale of 1-10, it was an 8 and driving away I didn't have an emotional letdown. Maybe I got it out of my system on Wednesday.

One thing I thought was funny. STBXW couldn't give me her full share of the first half of the tax money due yesterday, yet today she took the girls shopping for clothes at Target because they were having a sale.

Me? After eating, I went out and recorded the cost on my budget chart that goes with me in the car. I have $20 left for restaurants until April 23. That's one trip out this weekend for the girls. Otherwise, it's meals at home.

[Gardener]

So I threw those in and I also asked God to watch all of our family, the ones here and at other places, and to give daddy patience and to help him to remember it's always better to listen than to talk.

I've been a mess all day. I just so don't want a divorce. I've been doing my best to put on a brave front, but the truth of the matter is no matter how mis-matched STBXW and I are, I feel the same about her today as I did when I first saw her at 18.

I'm starting to stare the end of the M in the face and I still ClingToHope.

God, I pray I wake up with more strength tomorrow.

I'm sorry CTH...and I understand completely.
You're doing great with your ds. Take strength and solace from that for now.

[faithisbelieving]

but the truth of the matter is no matter how mis-matched STBXW and I are,

Think.
FIB

[ClingingToHope]

Tough morning. Woke up with that "is this all there is" feeling. Weird.

Lots to do today and then weekend with the girls. Spent some time today putting together a list of things to do this summer.

The three expensive things -- Great America, the museums of Chicago and balloon rides. I don't know if we'll do all three. Add it up and that's $1,000 right there.

The rest are a lot of free or minimal cost ideas -- petting zoos, Lincoln Park Zoo, which is free. One person even suggested volunteering for a day at an animal rescue shelter. That's interesting.

W called about the after-school sitter. She gave her just $40 yesterday and her weekly pay is $75. So I'm to give her $35 and she'll drop off a check.

I'm sooooo dying to find out what that loan was for the other day. I guess in two weeks when we do the settlement conference I'll get a better look at her finances.

It's tough. I feel guilty because I kind of want her to feel the pain of her decision, but that comes back on the girls. And the harder it is for her financially the more she'll listen to her attorney on trying to get every last penny she can from me.

[whatisis]

I also was concerned about my wife's finances because she was keeping the house, as she earned a higher salary and could better afford the upkeep. If I was a monetary hard ass during the SA negotiations it could effect her ability to keep the house and then my kids would be losing one more part of their lives! It was important to me that my kids kept their home. On the other hand I didn't want to be living in a basement eating puffed wheat the rest of my life either. It's hard to know what to do sometimes, I feel for you Clinging

[BobbiJo]

Sounds like you have some great plans in place for the summer! Kids and I are going to Chicago, hit up the field museum, Shedd aquarium, navy pier, grant park...very excited and they picked out the hotel with me and cannot wait!

Sorry you are in a rough patch...a few hours ago I was feeling quite 'woe is me' but I try to keep focusing on the good stuff, times with my kids, etc and trust that things will only get better...

[smith18]

The summer before last, when I was going through the D, the kids and I did a 3 week road trip vacation. It was not that expensive as we did half camping. It was a very memorable trip.

I am leaning to do another road trip this summer to maybe Glacier NP and up into the NP's in Alberta.

One thing we have in our D agreement is that we alternate years as to who gets first pick of the summer vacation time. And that person has to decide by April so as to give the other one time to make their own reservations in the summer. It is my pick this year and I choose July which is also when my son has a Cub Scout horse camp.

[awest1217]

Camping is a really good idea. If you have friends who will let you camp out in their backyard (we did that with our youth group), it can be really fun and cheap. The other ideas are good too. Don't forget about things going on at the library. Check out what is available there. Don't forget to look into any discounts you can get where you want to go as well. There are so many discounts online.

Have a fun filled weekend!

[ClingingToHope]

BBJ, get the City Pass in Chicago, if you don't already know about it. By buying the pass you can go to all five of the big Chicago museums in a nine-day stretch.

If I can swing it, I'll buy the pass and we'll take the train in -- girls love the train -- hit two or three of them and head home and then do the train again later in the week for the other two.

I'm hoping all this woe is me stuff is because after months of waiting we're knee deep in divorce stuff.

Kerry, the girls ... and me ... aren't roughing it types. We like hotels and those add up. Funny, in March 2009, when there was about a three-week window where it looked like the M was going to make it, I was pricing RV rentals. We talked about driving an RV across the country to visit her sister in Seattle. STBXW was excited, then the window closed.

I don't think summer is every really going to be that big of a deal for STBXW. She grew up just hanging out at her parents' campground. They didn't have money to do stuff like Great America. They never did a Disney trip or anything that cost more than a few dollars.

Plus, STBXW is so into her job she never really liked taking weeks off. Basically, I try to take one week in June, July and August. This year, though, STBXW p*ss*d me off about a week in August so I specifically didn't take a week that month this year.

Anyway, we've always taken different weeks to maximize our time off and minimize the cost of summer camps so the girls are used to spending time with just one. We usually pick the weeks in February. I have enough seniority that I get whatever weeks I want, while STBXW has to compete for her time.

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, good plans for the summer. Parks, zoos, museums, beaches, movies and camping are what we've done in the past and I'll do my best to continue those for DD. I love camping with the family but it'll be hard to go far with just DD and myself. Pulling a travel trailer alone with DD feels a bit unnerving in case there's a breakdown or some other issue.

Anyway, sorry about the financial troubles as Wii said...think about the girls but strike a balance so you're not eating ramen noodles for the rest of your life.

You're a great dad and a nice thoughtful person!