WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

Hi all,

Thanks for the positives.. I really need them today..

The title issue is due to money mom owes to a company. They want on title in place of her name until the amount is repaid to them. Because of the nature of their organization it is within their rights to do so. She waited until she received the notice from them to let me know she's 1 year behind in the payments she was making!!! If she had let me know the numerous times I asked how it was going, I would have been able to help her catch up and the letter would never have come about.

The problem is, if H takes me to court wanting to sell the house, the organization will be all for it to release their cash if they are on title. Plus if they go on title he has to be officially notified of that fact.

I left the bill up to her to pay without micromanaging because I wanted to be less controlling and it was her bill to pay (and it was the ONLY bill she had to pay). At that point it had nothing to do with me. Now it does and a part of me is angry I wasn't more controlling...

This is something that I would have been able to find comfort and support from the old H about.. and now I can't.. and it's something she and I will have to figure out on our own..if we can...

I'm so tired of having to deal with all this alone.. but it may be the way it will be forever.. and that hurts...

My confidence in dealing with things is at a low... My peace feels non-existent...

I'm having serious anger issues about the lack of control I feel in my life at the moment...

I have visions of doing all sorts of things to ruin OW reputation with her peers... With doing all sorts of things that I know will actually push H farther away... With calling CAS on the fact that the kids don't have their own beds when they visit H and share beds with their cousins. And that their clothes smell of smoke when they've grown up in a smoke free home. I wish I could force him to have to move out from the enabling SIL house in some way... to hasten his hit to bottom.. I'm even starting to doubt the MLC thing right now... wondering if I'm just fooling myself again..

I'm struggling to not focus on the despair I feel about OW and trying to remind myself that I am the prize but it feels hollow right now..

My daughter and son were even more clingy than usual last night and it hurt like heck to hold it together for them.

I'm so close to tears today and I can't let loose because I'm at work and life must go on..

I feel like crawling under a desk and staying there...

[DiamondGirl]

More bad news.... I'll probably lose the house.... The mortgage is up for renewal in aug and I won't be able to qualify for the full amount... So unless I can find a co-applicant (my mom isn't eligible) or someone willing to buy it then let me lease to own, it looks like I'll be moving to a rental....

This sucks big lemons....

More chaos to add to the chaos....

[courageous wife]

(((DG)))

I am sorry you are dealing with all of this on top of your H.

I am not good with financial stuff but can you talk with someone at your bank or mortgage company or your L and see if there is an option of some kind?

Try not to panic!!! Hang in there!

[Mila]

DG, don't panic. You have time to figure this out. You have until August.

First of all do you have a Separation Agreement in place? Is H contributing to your household and mortgage expenses? If so that could count as income for you and that may help you to qualify. If H is not contributing anything you should talk to a lawyer.

Do you have any equity in the house? Have it evaluated by a Realtor. Maybe if you have to sell it, you'll be able to buy something smaller that you'll qualify for.

BTW mortgage rates are supposed to start going up in the next few months (in Canada). Are you aware that you can get pre-approved and lock in a low mortgage rate for up to 3 months before renewal?

[DiamondGirl]

An update...

Talked to a real estate friend of ours about the sitch and explored the possibility of either my qualifying for a mortgage on my own to keep the house (he says maybe) or finding someone to buy my house with the condition that I rent to own or have a purchase option at the end of the lease term.

He gave me the number for his mortgage broker (who he said can work miracles sometimes) and the person he knows who deals with rent to own purchasing is going to call me as he didn't have his number with him. He cautioned me that the rent to own programs are set up so the renter loses because it is difficult for most people to save enough by the end of the term to fulfill it. I told him that if I have an amount and a deadline, I always do my best to hit the target.

The last option I've determined I have is to walk away from the house without making any more payments on the mortgage as my mom's name is replaced by the company and H isn't paying anything. (I was advised this by a financial advisor who said that I'd be throwing money away if I'm going to lose the house anyway...so she said let the lawyers fight out who gets what) Instead, I'd use the money to set up my kids, mom and self in a rental home for now. (one with a jacuzzi tub.... after all this shizz I need it!)

So to date I have:

~ applied for a mortgage all by my lonesome and have an appointment with the broker on Monday to discuss it

~ Ended the term life insurance (no cashout value) to reduce my monthly bills by $120 for the application and my wallet (it was a joint plan that I was unable to remove H from.. details of his response to my letting him know follows..)

~ started scoping out homes for rent in the area around my kids' school to minimize the upheaval should it come to that

I'm proud that I have not involved H or his family in any of this... if he wants to know what is going on with the house, he is more than capable/welcome to call the mortgage company himself as he knows renewal is in August... I have decided I will let him know what *I* decide to do after I have all the info and thought things through...

As for the life insurance.. because I know my income is rather on the lower end of the threshold they look for, I figured my only strategy would be to show the minimal amount of liabilities per month to show I can afford it...
Unfortunately, they cannot use anything my mom would contribute monthly as income.. So the only "extra" thing on my expenses was the life insurance which was term which means it only covers the month prepaid for... Since I couldn't take H's name off it, I thought it best to cancel it for now and once things get settled as to where I'll be living, I can restart one under my name only..

So I texted H a brief (and I mean brief!) message stating that I have notified the insurance company to wind down the policy to end it and that there was no cashout value to it.

So he emails me "Go Fluck yourself.. no more talking to u.. see you in court" last night...
This morning I get "my earlier response was sent impulsively when i was informed that our childrens care and well being had been comprimised by your actions I found it very upsetting.. i take serious the need to have them cared for in the event of my death.. thank you for bringing this to my attention i will pick up the revised policy from you the next time i pick up the kids" (sounds dictated to me but the spelling and case are all his)

He then says he will be closing out his email account and to call him at sisters'# instead..

I sent him back a brief email explaining the difference between term and permanent and telling him he is welcome to obtain his own policy with the kids as benef. and I planned on doing the same once I could afford to. And I asked for an alternative email address to communicate to him with...

Hoping that something works out because I really don't want to have to handle a move on top of everything this year..

[DiamondGirl]

Answers to Mila's questions:

No SA, nothing in writing yet.. only verbal that H has backed out from...

H hasn't contributed anything since Jan when he started school.. I got a bit of his funding but that was the last of it.. Not expecting anything from him as he is as broke as broke can be right now..

Talking to a L on the 26th about everything..

Yes to the equity... my half would be approx $7000.. but who knows when that will be released (I did put it on the app though so they know about it)

Haven't checked up on the real estate market lately.. didn't think I had to

[flowmom]

(((DG))) It certainly sounds like you're taking care of business. Good for you. That is just the right focus right now.

[Mila]

DG...you have so much to deal with (((hugs)))
You are doing great...you are proactive and taking care of YOU and your kids.

Talking to a L on the 26th about everything..

Your situation is so complicated that you really need lawyer's help.

And MLC is no excuse for your WH to be a deadbeat. Hard to believe that he is leaving you and the kids without any financial support.

[courageous wife]

Sounds like you are taking the reins!!! Good job! (((DG)))

[DiamondGirl]

More spew from H on how he's concerned at how my actions have jeopardized our children's future well being by email...

I'm on the verge of not ever wanting to get back with him because I can't see him ever coming out of this... I'm under so much pressure I really want to react in vengeance and anger.... I sent him a polite but to the point reply but probably shouldn't have... But I'm so tired with working two jobs and dealing with everything I'm not sure I give a crap...

I got a reply from the rent to own guy... He wants to help out if possible and wants more details as to the current mortgage arrangement etc. ... Would still have to have H agree to it but I'll cross that when I get to it...

I ended my workday crying in the car so my kids won't see...and hoping that H either crashes soon so at least the kids could have their real dad back and maybe I'd have a sane friend somewhere down the line... But I havey doubts any of it will happen...

God this growth and mlc sh!t hurts.... It would be easier to just become bitter...