Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

Just wanted to share a quotation from Byron Katie:

He's abusing me. Or am I abusing myself if I walk into a yard that has the sign "THIS DOG BITES"? "If you walk into the yard, the dog bites you," says Katie. "That's his job. If you walk into the yard a second time, you bite you".

from the description of her audiobook When Relationships Fail.

[flowmom]

from the description of her audiobook When Relationships Fail.

I just listened to this -- it's a cheap 50 minute audiobook from iTunes. It features a divorcing mother who is being verbally abused and intimidated by her H. I really think you could get something out of listening to it.

[newmama]

H4L- warning, this is about the cat, and it isn't very nice but I have got to be honest I feel!
does the cat need to be fixed? why is he spraying or peeing? how can you handle that smell? sorry I am just honestly curious about this because now that your carpet is ruined it will always smell like cat urine which is so depressing. It always makes me think of unfortunate poor people or old people who aren't able to take care of their pets.

[newmama]

now about the other stuff- I am so proud of you for walking away when you want to talk to your H. It isn't ideal but it is something you are doing to not engage! And you are letting some of his spew slide off your back.

[Butterfly1]

I had a big insight today. I spent some time with my mother and EVERYTHING I say or do - literally everything is bad~
I check my messages ("Well, it didn't take you long to get on the phone" implying I'm rude), "Mom, turn right (I"m giving her directions to pick up S in a new place she's never been before) "OK HOPE! I'm doing my best!" (LIke I'm insulting her)

No wonder I take all the blame in my R. I wonder if my M could have been saved if I hadn't always defaulted to Hope is bad.

Time to work on this!~

[flowmom]

Yes, we do internalize those things. I think the exercise in the abandonment book is about working with the inner child is a way of re-parenting ourselves and grappling with this stuff.

[Abbey]

Hope, what everyone is saying here is so true.

You said time to work on this...

Yep! Working on yourself gives you the strength you need to get through this... and the bonus is down the road you'll see just how much strength you've gained.

I look back on my time alone and realize that there were some very happy times... IIIIIII survived! I'm so darn proud of that. I cleared the snow off my own driveway, I learned to operate a snowblower (it's fun!), I cut my own grass,... I got a chance to read again, watch the movies IIIIIIIIII wanted to. Etc etc etc. Embrace the "me me me" that you need to put yourself in. You're entitled... matter of fact, it's a necessity for you. We weren't put on this earth to be someone elses' whipping boy.

Cheers
Abbey

[Butterfly1]

yes more and more I'm enjoying my alone time. The hardest part is dealing w H over S.

He is here now because S wanted a "party" with everyone here. I'm lieterally nauseated being in the same room with H.

But I hcan't hide because S wants this family party.

This is all so hard.

[flowmom]

Hope you can say "no" to your S. A time will probably come where things calm down a bit and it gets easier. In the meanwhile it might not be the best thing, even if it's what your S wants. hugs to you. Some days I really dread dealing with H.

[rr22]

I don't know how you all do it every day. It's hard enough to do it by phone and text and deal with the intermittent super-negativity. DAILY child swap-offs or space sharing with attitude would be tough indeed.