M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
ok, feel free to jump on in here. this is amazing.
received the following reply from the pastor of xH's church to that note I wrote about. (quick refresh: at the very beginning of all of this, 2 years ago, he was one of the small handful of people I asked to talk with xH because I was convinced he had lost his senses. if they talked, it changed nothing; he was clear that he would NOT be talking with me again. before this, he and his wife were good couple-friends with xH and I.)
"Please know that I was copied on your recent email to the parish expressing your desire to be removed from our parish email list. We will certainly support your request and wishes.
Please know too that I am deeply saddened as well as very mindful of the tremendous pain, anger, and stresses in your and D14's recent and current lives.
As an experienced pastoral minister yourself, however, I am confident that you understand the great ambiguities, uncertainties, and difficulties which occur whenever people you love and care for make choices and decisions which you may or may not condone, support, or even understand.
And I'm certain too that you have found yourself in situations where you must watch others suffer pain (sometimes of their own but often of another's making) all the time knowing that you really cannot intervene or stop it.
I now find myself in precisely this situation vis-a-vis you, D14, and xH. Unfortunately, I also find myself in this situation with several other parish members as well as some family members and friends! And in each of these cases, the "little" that I can offer is simply prayer, greater attempts at understanding, and more prayer.
Therefore while I can't and won't offer advice, fixes, or even (except in very rare situations) interventions to you or any others, please know that I do genuinely and sincerely hold you in my daily prayers, thoughts, and blessings.
Finally, know that I pray too for the day and time where we can once again set down around the same table to share our hopes, joys, and lives. Until then...
Blessings..."
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Sheesh! Not a very effective pastor if he can't let one of his congregation know where he is going wrong, spiritually and sinfully. Is that what Paul taught? Stand back and observe the sinner in your midst, and say/do nothing? Are you going to reply?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
not sure. not so much a matter of not confronting a sinner, as turning one's back on the innocent victims of the sin. but either way, he's a weak, cowardly shepherd, IMHO.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
not sure. not so much a matter of not confronting a sinner, as turning one's back on the innocent victims of the sin. but either way, he's a weak, cowardly shepherd, IMHO.
You need to call him out, G. How many other parishoners aren't having their spiritual needs met, because of this man's cowardice??
...the great ambiguities, uncertainties, and difficulties...
Quote:
...suffer pain... all the time knowing that you really cannot intervene or stop it.
Unbelievable. He is glossing over the fact he enabled the very behavior that caused someone else pain.
Wow. So, he is admitting that he was consciously aware of the great pain he caused you in his great disservice to you and your D14, but he refrained from doing his duty to confront the offender. It's not just that he was too blind to see it, but he was consciously aware of the injury being done to you -- and he not only turned a blind eye to it he also thereby condoned it.
Quote:
Therefore while I can't and won't offer advice, fixes, or even (except in very rare situations) interventions to you or any others, please know that I do genuinely and sincerely hold you in my daily prayers, thoughts, and blessings...
I seriously doubt he ever remembered you in his prayers. Not when he also embraced the sinner and rejected the victim. And even so, as a man of the cloth he was under greater obligation to take more action than prayer. Sitting on one's hands in the face of sin is certainly not biblical.
Such a coward and a weasel! I am deeply offended and ashamed that he calls himself a Christian leader -- he contributes to the poor image so many have of Christians today.
Parts of this sound so incredibly insincere. It really disgusts me. Is his role not to point out to people when they are going astray? He is supposed to sit back, watch and pray on it? Hands off, no intervention?
OK, so by that logic- a person tells him he will beat another person up... but all this minister can do is pray that he won't. Not warn the person about to get the beating, not tell the person about to go beat someone up that he is wrong? Just listen and validate.
Is that what this minister is saying? I think this man is nuts.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
