sorry it's been a while since I posted...as for a few people really knowing the turmoil, I feel you there...some of my closest friends just can't comprehend the pain I still feel, or why I would want to "work on my M"- you know like I do, that it can be done...
Sorry to hear that things are progressing...it will be easier once H is gone, but you have to be prepared for worst case scenario...
I know that's not what you want to hear...
W left a few months ago, she moved out completely 3 weeks ago, went 17 days NC, her PA/R fell apart...and NO she does not come to me at all...my sitch may be different, W is using drugs and drinking heavily...but the pain still applies...
Knowing this person in my life for so long is walking aongst us, but has NO role in my life- is ABSURD and PAINFUL...
BUT IT IS...
I want only good things for you, so hang in there...
I'm doing a little better today. I knew this last weekend would be hard for me with my D10 bday and my H being gone on a trip I was supposed to go with him. My D10 bday was a good thing, but not have my H there was painful. He celebrated her bday the weekend before with his family.
I did leave H a note attached to the D papers that we had went over last Thursday. It was short, and basically I wrote that I feel a D is not the answer and I believe that we can build a new relationship in time. And I felt we could use the next 6 months (his lease on his apt) away from each other to work on ourselves. I doubt I'll get any response, so I'm not expecting anything.
Something has been sticking in my head since our convo about the D papers. I had said that I don't think either of us should bring a new realtionship around the kids for at least a year from now. He said "Well maybe 6 months". My first thought was he had already thought about this. He then want on to say that he wouldn't bring anyone around unless he was serious with them. And that we should discuss it with each other before either of us introduces someone to the kids. He was so shocked about the credit card bills and obvsiouly haden't even thought about that, but he seemed to have thought about this )-:
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Mb, you and I both need to do the same thing: figure out how we're going to build a new life for ourselves without our H. If the opportunity for reconciliation comes up in the future, well we can cross that bridge when we come to it. But right now it has to be about us and our children.
What are you doing for yourself right now, to heal emotionally and to GAL?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
flowmom, I totally agree with you on us needing to GAL.
I have a very fun weekend planned with some family and friends. I've been focusing more on school and NC has helped with the no drama. Even though I'm still down about my sitch, I know I'll be ok.
I have told my H so many times that I don't feel D is the answer, but he appears to be moving forward with it, which I'm no longer afraid of. I know that even if we get D, it's not the end and that there is still a possibilty of R with him.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I thought I would share something my FT therapist told me last night. "Stop living your life for you H, start living it for you" He did say that he knew this was easier said than done, but that I had to find away to do this. I guess this is what GAL is really all about.
I had a D convo with H last night. I validated by saying stuff like "I'm sorry you feel that there is no way for us to work it out. I feel that there is away. I understand that you feel D is the answer, I don't feel it is" Stuff like that. He seemed to respond a little nicer with that instead of it being a power struggle.
I really enjoyed that site midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com. I realized that I was playing the doormat for all these months. I love the articles about paving the way for a safe return home for the MLC'er. And Standing without being a bi$% or a doormat.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
"Stop living your life for you H, start living it for you"
Words for the LBS to live by. We just have to find a way to do this if we want to suffer less.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
So very sorry to see you at this point. I've been following along but so involved in my own sitch, haven't had time to comment. I just wanted you to know I'm praying for you and really hoping something great comes out of this.
Flowmom - those are words I'm going to have to say to myself everyday (-:
Passenger - thank you for following my sitch. I have been so involved in mine at times that I haven't had any time to post on anyone elses either. Thank you so much for the prayers.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I just wanted to thank you and allen and everyone for brining me to Divorce Busting. I was searching one day for how to expose my W affair with OM. I remember your thread brought so much comfort and help to me when I needed it most. I read it everyday. I got to page 95, and that was all there was. I did find Divorce Busting and created my own thread, but I always wondered how you were doing. I am glad to see that you are still working on your sitch and not D. I have admired you and the way you have handled your sitch, and the wonderful people here that have given you so much support. I am thankful for all the people here that have been so supportive of me too.
I started reading your thread again, and I remembered the reason I came here again and that is to save my marriage. I was ready to file for D tomorrow, but I think I am going to wait. I am also going to expose to the OMW even though she has not been there yet and a kid answers. I am a little worried about harrassment, so I am trying to make sure that the OMW is there when I call again.
You have just inspired me again to not give up. I was going to file to make sure that she does not first. I do not want to lose my kids and I thought it would be better. I am in California.
I will keep checking your sitch, and I will keeping wishing the very best that you will be able to save your marriage!!!
Sorry if it was inappropriate to write this in your thread. I do not want to hijack or anything.
Thank you and everyone here again!!!!!!!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
LSG, I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but I'm glad you've been following and posted.
I know how you feel about giving up. One hour I'm done and the next I'm not. Everyone tells me when I'll know when I'm really done. My hope is now for my life, and fixing myself. If my H decides to join me later so be it, if not that is his loss. It has taken me the last 5 months to come to that conclusion. And I still have days where I want to contact him and beg and plead for him to return.
Hang in there and please feel free to highjack my forum anytime.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
