yes I agree, Soleil is a WAW turned LBW now. She wants back, what she is posting is what she would want her husband to do for her because he isn't.
There is a difference.
I say just sit tight, if you guys have already planned to meet at a specific date, leave it at that, scarcity of supply is a good thing in these situations. You never know what you have until it's gone, give her the gift of missing you, anticipation can be a great thing.
I am stuck in a strange phase right now, where she is VERY receptive to even the smallest bit of pursuit, and she is always kinda grilling me on what I'm doing, who I'm with etc...
It's almost like I can FEEL what you guys say about how pulling back and moving on makes them curious... Cause I did pull back, and I am living my own life now, and she seems pretty curious.
I am sitting tight, and being cool. I don't even know if this is real or just guilt at this point.
Never chase a woman who has left you or tells you they want space etc etc.. Why? BECAUSE IT DOES NOT WORK.
If you noticed.. Soleil left and her husband actually treated her terribly from the time she left... She STILL ended up being the one who chased..
Think LONG and HARD about that stuff. What a woman tells you they want, and what they actually respond to are not always the same thing. Read the other threads of the men on this site. You will quickly see that there are many men chasing, but very few having any success. Some are to the point that they say they are making headway if their wives talk to them nicely now and again. How sad is that?
How do you know she wants to see and talk to you more often? Is this your observations or is she telling you this? You already have a date set with her in a couple of weeks or so. Leave it at that. If SHE wants to see you or talk to you BEFORE then, let her contact you. If you do the contact, she may seem pressured and will retreat and you are back to square one.
In DR it says to accept dates, not all just some. Take phone calls but keep them short. Be selective and be cautious.
Last edited by Jasmine; 04/16/1006:41 PM.
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
She tells me she wants to talk to me, and wants to see me.
I am the one pursuing now. Very slowly, and very tentatively, but I am.
I know that is what EVERYONE says not to do, but I've been following more the "do something different" and "monitor results" more than anything else.
The problem for me here is that just going dark on her is "more of the same". Letting her contact me only is "more of the same"... Leaving setting up dates to her is "more of the same".
I TOTALLY understand where you guys are coming from and what you are saying, and I'm not trying to say you are wrong. I really am just trying out different things now and seeing how she reacts.
Her and I have a date in a few weeks, and I am leaving it at that. We chat some online when we are both at work, but thats it. No R talk. Just chit chatting. So far, this is going well.
My goal for the past month or so has been to create a safe environment where she feels comfortable talking to me again, and this seems to be happening.
She tells me she wants to talk to me, and wants to see me.
I am the one pursuing now. Very slowly, and very tentatively, but I am.
I know that is what EVERYONE says not to do, but I've been following more the "do something different" and "monitor results" more than anything else.
The problem for me here is that just going dark on her is "more of the same". Letting her contact me only is "more of the same"... Leaving setting up dates to her is "more of the same".
I TOTALLY understand where you guys are coming from and what you are saying, and I'm not trying to say you are wrong. I really am just trying out different things now and seeing how she reacts.
Her and I have a date in a few weeks, and I am leaving it at that. We chat some online when we are both at work, but thats it. No R talk. Just chit chatting. So far, this is going well.
My goal for the past month or so has been to create a safe environment where she feels comfortable talking to me again, and this seems to be happening.
It never ceases to amaze me, this thought process.
Something is apparently working but hey lets get creative and try other stuff just to mix it up and see if it will work.
Hmmmm.... no contact and not pursuing appear to be working.
But... let's stop doing that, let's pursue, let's contact and see if that works too?!
NO.
Don't fix it if it ain't broke, it applies to alot of things, including your situation.
If what you are doing, limiting contact, letting her contact you, letting her be curious about you, asking about you, phone you, etc. is working because you are admitting to us that she seems to want to contact you more & more (again that's what you said unless you're LYING), why do you need to change what you're doing at all?
Are you needy? Insecure? Afraid she'll lose interest in you? Find another guy?
Newsflash, all of those things are possible, regardless of what you do.
What you are doing now works, and it will continue to work, there's a reason people are told about the no contact technique and to stop pursuing their WAS's... because it works but I get it, you're an expert now and since something is working and you're an expert, you want to attempt some experiments and maybe be a pioneer in the DB field with some new radical techniques like: - be needy - contact her often - show her you're interested in her alot especially since she didn't want to be with you originally - show your insecurity by contacting her to make sure she's still interested - being a wussy - doubting what you're already doing which is apparently working
Do I need to continue or do you get the F!@#$%* point?
Continue doing what you've been doing which has yielded results which you yourself characterize as "positive" and "successful".
She tells me she wants to talk to me, and wants to see me.
I am the one pursuing now. Very slowly, and very tentatively, but I am.
I know that is what EVERYONE says not to do, but I've been following more the "do something different" and "monitor results" more than anything else.
The problem for me here is that just going dark on her is "more of the same". Letting her contact me only is "more of the same"... Leaving setting up dates to her is "more of the same".
I TOTALLY understand where you guys are coming from and what you are saying, and I'm not trying to say you are wrong. I really am just trying out different things now and seeing how she reacts.
Her and I have a date in a few weeks, and I am leaving it at that. We chat some online when we are both at work, but thats it. No R talk. Just chit chatting. So far, this is going well.
My goal for the past month or so has been to create a safe environment where she feels comfortable talking to me again, and this seems to be happening.
And since you're in the mood to experiment and investigate, why not look up how "women test men", she may be testing the waters with you, seeing how easy it is to get you back, seeing if you really this new cool guy or if you're just acting. Women test Men. Women test Men OFTEN especially in your situation. You've been warned, expect it, look for it, smile when it happens, pretty soon you'll be able to spot it.
Don't make yourself more available now that she shows interest, pull back a little, be mysterious (another db technique), have plans to do stuff when she wants to see you, "maybe another time, call me tomorrow", etc.
You've been warned, if you post back a few weeks later and tell us she lost interest again, its your fault, no one else's.
