Ok, so I know everyone rips on me about our car situation, but this is one of those situations where it muddies the waters. If I do say that, which does sound good, do I compromise and agree to let her take the car so that I'm not appearing to be controlling?
Why are you so worried about "not appearing to be controlling", based on the picture you've painted thus far, you have NO CONTROL whatsoever! Your wife is running the show, you don't seem to mind her "appearing to be controlling" do you?
She's hounding me about the internet at home again, asking when I'm going to reconnect it. My brain is telling me to say something along the lines of "that's up to you. When you're ready to respect me enough to not be online talking to him in our house, it'll be back on." Of course, I know all she'll say is that it doesn't matter since we're done and obviously it will be a while before we're not in the same house together, so I can't leave it disconnected for weeks. So, do I just ignore her rebuttal or what? I know it's coming if I say anything other than I cave and will reconnect it.
Well is she replies "it doesn't matter since we're done" as you put it, then tell her "it doesn't matter when it gets reconnected so I don't think I will be reconnecting it, get your internet fix somewhere else."
Don't cave, and don't reconnect it. If you need the internet badly, get yourself a laptop or a netbook (smaller laptop) and go somewhere you can get wireless access. Or.... just use your phone, get yourself an iPhone or a blackberry and do your surfing and emailing from there.
There now you have options and you didn't cave in on the internet, no excuses now.
what household expenses does she contribute to? If she's no longer acting as your wife and wants to live in the house, it's time to treat her like a roommate and she can pay half. If not tell her it's time for to find a new place to live, preferably sooner than later.
You see the problem isn't with finding things to say, its with having the balls to stand up to your wife, thats your problem and it's also your choice.
The OM's W, I explained the situation to her and when I saw that she's had to deal with this several times before, and her saying that he always comes crawling back to her begging for her to take him back, I realized that she had no interest in doing anything other than sitting back and waiting for it to end. So, really, I didn't ask anything from her.
If not tell her it's time for to find a new place to live, preferably sooner than later.
You see the problem isn't with finding things to say, its with having the balls to stand up to your wife, thats your problem and it's also your choice.
BINGO.. Somebody finally got it....
All the other stuff is kid's stuff in comparison. All she will do is find another way. When a woman LIKES a man in the right way not having internet isn't going to stop her. She WILL just find another way and then you will need another boundary. (Iwhich we are already discussing.)(like the car and like her talking on her phone to the OM in front of you and etc etc) and then another and then another..... until SHE tells you she is going to leave. How sad when you can be the one to set the pace here.
About a year ago, she started talking to an ex online We're in TX and he's in CA), sending topless pics,
Originally Posted By: Confused Guy
Well, last week, I could tell that her attitude had changed. She was distant and distracted. Then, out of nowhere, she says that she's not sure about us still. That she needed to think about things. That something's still missing. Well, it turns out that she's found another guy online to occupy her time. Yes, it is sexual in nature. She didn't leave the house, just stayed in another bedroom. I was so shocked by what had just happened, that I did lots of stupid things. I confronted her, told her that it had to stop, that she couldn't possibly make a decision like us splitting up while she was wrapped up in a fantasy online. And just to state the facts, when I have snooped on her, I learned that she makes up lots of things about herself, sends them very specific photos, that show off her better assets.
Originally Posted By: Confused Guy
Last night when she was talking and laughing so loud to make sure I heard her, I just went to the bedroom and turned on some music. Not blaring it or anything, just enough to drown it out. I probably should have told her that if she wanted to continue talking to him, take it outside. If it becomes an issue again, that is exactly what I plan on saying. Of course, I have to figure out some sort of consequence if she refuses, without being over the top.
Originally Posted By: Confused Guy
Any advice?
Last Resort Technique
File on the grounds of Cruel and Inhuman Treatment
Ok, everyone is right. And I appreciate the bluntness and honesty. It hasn't been an easy change for me. I've spent my whole life not sticking up for myself and it took this whole ordeal to finally realize how much I've cheated myself out of. Coming to terms with the fact that yeah, I didn't have a spine when it came to the big things hasn't been easy. Knowing that if I'm ever going to be happy with anyone, and ever treated equally in whatever relationship or situation I'm in down the road, that I've got to be confident in what I'm thinking and feeling and not scared to stick up for myself. I am glad that you guys have called me out on not having any balls on a lot of this stuff. And it's been the extra motivation that what I'm doing and what I'm feeling is what's best for me.
Yeah, if she's that convinced that what she wants is someone else, that's her decision, but I am not going to in any way help her or contribute to the death of our relationship. I did flat out tell her just now that I'm not reconnecting it. That I'm not enabling her to carry on an affair across the hall from me and if she can't respect that, she needs to find somewhere else to go. And I'm sticking to it. And if she tries talking on the phone with him, I'll stand my ground and she can take her calls elsewhere.
Am I still handling this in the right way? Probably not. I know that I am still screwing up and questioning myself too much, but I feel like it's night and day from where I was a week ago in terms of my confidence level and knowing what I want.
And to answer the question, no, he's pretty far, 8-9 states away.
And she just replied that I'm being ridiculous and did I know how childish I'm being. And has tried calling me twice in about 45 seconds.
Get yourself a girlfriend.. Do the same things she is doing..
A taste of their own medicine works wonders to people like that. They HATE it when you do the very same things they do. Wakes them up faster than anything..
Not a bad idea, I mean, that's not really something I'm interested in wrapping myself up in right now, but I do know that the taste of their own medicine can make a difference.
