what if, just what if, this isn't about you but is all or mostly all, about him? If so, you have to let go and detach. Puppy is right about your need to choose an approach and stick with it some amount of time, so you can see if it's working or not..you are all over the place and trying to do 2 somewhat conflicting things.
I feel as if you are reacting and planning in so much detail, and it conflicts, and there's just no point in some of that.
Allen says to snoop and find out about OW- but I have to ask you what diff it makes if you don't know what you'll do if you find out she's there? I mean, do you know? Will you do anything differently? And if not, is there an argument for not knowing? I'm asking. I mean, IF it's like finding out your baby is going to be disabled but you'll have it anyhow, what's the point in finding out during the pregnancy when you can be happier while the baby is growing and find out later? I don't know the answer to that but I wonder what the point is, since you don't know what you'd do.
I DO BELIEVE if you knew, KNEW, that you'd end the M if he had another A, then you should absolutely find out what you need to know to enact that plan. And if you think there's no way you'd trust him again without verification, then snoop away.
But it seems to me to hear you right now, you'll put up with it anyhow, so why torture yourself? I am open to being wrong on this- but wanted to toss that out. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
