New and Needing Advice (Long)

[Confused Guy]

I will do that. You are right. If she doesn't directly ask my W if she is having an affair, and my MIL is a firm believer in the EA and the damage it causes, my wife would just lay the "something missing, not happy anymore" story on her and that would be the end of it. I've enen talked to MIL about bringing the word affair into it and my W denying she's having an affair, to which my MIL voiced he displeasure.

[Confused Guy]

She's hounding me about the internet at home again, asking when I'm going to reconnect it. My brain is telling me to say something along the lines of "that's up to you. When you're ready to respect me enough to not be online talking to him in our house, it'll be back on." Of course, I know all she'll say is that it doesn't matter since we're done and obviously it will be a while before we're not in the same house together, so I can't leave it disconnected for weeks. So, do I just ignore her rebuttal or what? I know it's coming if I say anything other than I cave and will reconnect it.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ignore her for a few hours, and then respond:

"I already told you that I'll no longer allow our family funds to be used to enable your affair. If you can't control your urges, I suggest Starbucks or McDonald's -- I hear they're offering free WiFi now."

[Confused Guy]

Ok, so I know everyone rips on me about our car situation, but this is one of those situations where it muddies the waters. If I do say that, which does sound good, do I compromise and agree to let her take the car so that I'm not appearing to be controlling?

[Confused Guy]

Any advice?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ok, so I know everyone rips on me about our car situation, but this is one of those situations where it muddies the waters. If I do say that, which does sound good, do I compromise and agree to let her take the car so that I'm not appearing to be controlling?

If you're still worried about appearances, trust me, you're not yet ready to attack the tree limb.

DBing isn't for the feint-of-heart, and affair-busting especially so.

First lose the fear.

Puppy

[BobbiJo]

Ok, so I know everyone rips on me about our car situation, but this is one of those situations where it muddies the waters. If I do say that, which does sound good, do I compromise and agree to let her take the car so that I'm not appearing to be controlling?

Seriously? No....do not enable her in any way...I thought she didn't have her driver's license anyway? Poor little thing may have to walk herself to Starbucks and good luck sending topless shots from inside a business!

[DownNotOut...yet]

Of course, I know all she'll say is that it doesn't matter since we're done and obviously it will be a while before we're not in the same house together, so I can't leave it disconnected for weeks.

<smack> And you know this how? If you're "done" why would you want to pay for internet for someone who is "done" with you? Bull crap, you can leave the internet disconnected forever. Once upon a time there was life before the internet, least that's how I remember it. </smack>

You will turn it back on a)when you feel like it and b)when you are satisfied she is done cheating.

Dood, Puppy is right. You seem like a nice guy and THAT is your problem...you seem like a nice guy. You appear to be viewing most situations from the weakest, defeatist point of view.

Stop worrying about driving her away. That's already happening on it's own. Stop worrying about what she wants. She is not worrying about what you want. Maybe you want to read No More Mr Nice Guy or Keeping Your Nuts.

[gucci loafer]

So.

She CAN stay in the house and continue her affair, but she can't use the internet?

She CAN use her own phone to talk to her affair partner and stay in the home as long as it isn't in front of you?

She CAN go be with him on the weekends or whenever and still stay in the house as long as she doesn't bring him there?

She CAN sleep in the same bed with you and doesn't have to leave the house as long as she knows you are going to sleep in the bed too?

She CAN stay in the house as long as she wants as long as she goes somewhere else to use the internet?

So, she CAN cake eat as long as she chooses AND stay in the house and still carry on the affair, if she follows a few simple rules?

She will adjust to that.


INTERESTING.

[timehealsall]

Ok, so I know everyone rips on me about our car situation, but this is one of those situations where it muddies the waters. If I do say that, which does sound good, do I compromise and agree to let her take the car so that I'm not appearing to be controlling?

Seriously? No....do not enable her in any way...I thought she didn't have her driver's license anyway? Poor little thing may have to walk herself to Starbucks and good luck sending topless shots from inside a business!

omg lol I just choked on my java!