I do seem to be all over the map, but finding the MLC site (midlifecrisismarriageadvocate) with things that are IDENTICAL to my sitch right now... well, it's really helped push me towards Ghandi - standing up and making myself right and let the chips fall where they may. I've got a notebook I'm filling with thoughts, posts from all of you, notes from DB and other books and this website I just found. I'm putting it together and compiling a plan of attack. In the meantime, yes, I'm absolutely responding to every little nuance - but I promise, I'm getting prepared for the war about to begin. I'm still waffling and getting my strategy in place. I'm no where near complete in my thoughts just yet. I'm still running it through the "will this bring me closer or further apart from my goals" filter.
And yes, I'm still asking for a lot of help because I'm looking for people to give me opinions and outside advice because I am still too close to the problem, still too much in pain and shock. It's wearing off, and I'm getting more and more detached, but it doesn't last and I'm still prone to being hurt by attacks when they come (like him sleeping on the couch... that still stings, but last night I enjoyed really laying across the whole bed)
I'm still in the stage of being afraid of doing the wrong thing and unsure of myself. And I'm not really good with consequences. The best explanation I can come up with is that I've never had to lay down consequences before b/c I always get my way... spoiled little brat that I am. (I admit it)
And I'm coming to realize this time, I may not get my way, and believe it or not, I'm not OK with that yet, but I can see myself becoming OK with it one day... I still want to win. (don't worry, that was a joke)
My PMA is pretty high right now... I guess I need to do more experimenting and seeing what works because I'm over thinking things and causing analysis paralysis.
