All I can say to that email is noooooo, don't send it! Let him squirm. He needs to be uncomfortable right now. He's trying to sort out alot of conflicting stuff. Don't try to control the outcome. The more you do that the more you push him away.
I know that I've made this suggestion to you before but I really wish you'd read Relationship Rescue. It's all about communicating with and influencing your partner. It helped me realize what I was doing wrong and gave me great steps to communicate differently with him. I would say something to my H and a week later he was saying it to me as if it was his idea. Really changed our patterns.
I think that you're alot like me, Pass. I don't think of myself as controlling but I sure can be. It's not about control for me. It's about security. When I feel insecure, I drive those around me nuts. But now, I can see when it's starting and stop myself.
Be patient. Some of what you're doing seems to be getting results. Stop the self sabatoge.
