By being direct, you aren't pulling him out of anything. Giving extra effort because of his state of mind is just an acknowledgement that his sitch is off-kilter from the norm.
If you offer, he rejects, he's on his own. If you offer, he accepts, he's on his own still, but now he has two things to work on (M + him) If you do nothing, he's still on his own.
Now if things work out and he invites you back in his life, then he isn't alone.
So offering in choices, "would you like me to be there for you and growing together OR ..." are good that way. They can show him what he may not be seing.
Asking, do you want to do "x" can be a problem (I think) because it is like saying do you want to do work. No one does.
