I understand that you did it for your D and not your W but you did it! A lot of men that I know of would have never done that, and you need to see that you are one of very few real men! You do deserve credit, heck there are also a lot of women that I've heard of that pick up and leave their husbands and children. And as a mother I don't know how they can do it but they do.
Your in a tough sitch so hang in there. Please think over the advice given to you from this board before you react. Only you know what the right thing to do. Just ask yourself if this would be a 180 for me. Remember 180's are good and not only does it show your H you've changed, it also helps you to GAL.
Yes I went through an MLC, but not as bad as Jas. My mom had a stroke which sent her to the hospital. Four months later she died. That same year I lost cousins, uncles and aunts. It was a bad year for my family not to mention my FIL was seriously injured in a freak car accident. I was in a constant fog and constantly thinking about my own mortality. I remember thinking such angry thoughts and constantly thinking about leaving my W and D. Under the excuse my wedding ring was too loose I stopped wearing it. I kept my thoughts to myself and didn't share with my wife. My W is/was a natural DB'er she doesn't say anything to you unless you talk to her. I didn't have any affairs b/c that would complicate things. I locked myself in my room with the lights off in the daytime and slept with them on at night. I wanted to be left alone. At the same time I wanted my W to be able to read my mind. Say to me the right answers to the thoughts in my head.
I felt she wasn't there for me, so I should go and find someone who will be. My mom and dad D'd when I was young and I didn't want D to suffer like me.
After putting a quart of oil in W's car I tried to tell her she might need another quart. She didn't seem to pay attention so I gave up. This got me thinking about her. Why is she so rude? It wasn't an R talk or even a critism on how she takes care of her vehicle.
Is this how it's going to be? I had more things on my mind so I stayed quiet. Now and then I thought about my sitch. I think it maybe better to stay quiet for a while. Let her come to me if she care to.
Fixer, I'm so sorry you had so many losses. I can't even imagine the pain you were in. I'm keeping you in my prayers.
I give you so much credit that you didn't want your D to go through what you went through. My H's parents were also D'd when he was around 2yrs. old. So that's why I think they both are prodivorce.
My parents were married until the day my Dad passed away and I always thought that's the way it should be, but I know not all people think that way.
I can't thank you enough for all of the advice you have given me and hope that you still can give me more.
I got all mixed up when I asked you if I should contact my H in a few weeks and ask about the sand for the pool. See, last time I asked him something it seemed he was thrilled that he was needed. So even on my post, I wrote I won't contact him, I just might. I guess I will see.
My H for the first year was really angry also, would call just to start a fight. I have never seen him that angry as he was the day he left.
Not in any contact now for a few weeks so I have no clue to what he is like now. I know he was confused on the night we ML. I said to him "you don't know what you want do you?" and he said no.
Thanks once again for everything. I will be praying for you and your family.
I have one really hard question for you that might feel like I just kicked you in the nutz.
And That is REALLY not my intention, just want you to really think about it.
You are worried about your D if you and your wife get a divorce; and what that will do to her.
Are you worried about your D, if you and wife stay in a loveless marriage; and what that will do to her?
Your parents got divorced and you say it scarred/affected you...more than likely because of how THEY handled it and how they handled you...poorly.
Don't you think you would do better? Protect her better simply because of your concerns?
You KNOW I do not advocate divorce...I advocate standing up for yourself and telling your spouse...once the time is right, "With or without me, but you'd better live up to your choice."
You've been here for so long in the current place with your wife, I think you forgot how to rock the boat...or are afraid too.
Fix, the question remains though...
A Loveless marriage...what does that do to your D later in life?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It maybe a tough question but it is also a fair one to ask. I know kids see it all and it's practically imposisble to hide a loveless marriage from them. My councelor says I have abandonment issuses. My mom and dad D when I was five years old. I saw my dad maybe four times after the D in my life and one of them was at his funeral. Yes, I would do better than my dad and certainly wouldn't abandon her, but I've seen how my W was with my SS. She went out and I stayed home with him and our baby daughter.
Here's a good example of what my W is capable of doing. She's allowed her S's GF to have a "toy party" this Saturday at our house before discussing it over with me. My W is working so she won't even be around. I planned on working from home that day while D12 played outside. Now, I have to take D12 to my office at work where she's sure to be bored. Can you image how my W would behave if I wasn't around?
Maybe I didn't rock the boat enough. I thought I was suppose to look for baby steps. My W has show some baby steps but they are way too slooow. For example I once wrote that the world must be coming to an end the day my W kisses me. We kiss now but only for hello's and goodbye's.
Hopefully, our M won't be loveless too much longer. I'll leave and when I don't I won't be looking for a new wife anytime soon. My first priority is to protect my daughter. If you were to speak to my W she would say she's a model wife.
I don't mind rocking the boat. I'm going away next month for a few days. All sugesstions and comments are welcomed. I want to save this M.
Mach, I miss the love and affection I think I deserve. I also know I won't be looking for another GF too soon. I can hang in there and work on me. I have grown a lot in the past few years. I can go out alone and enjoy myself. I'm looking forward to my trip and didn't bother to ask my W to take me to the airport.
I told her things are going to change when I come back. I'm giving her the space she needs. She can come to me if she likes, if not "so be it."
I've also learned something about myself about from my councelor. I have "abandonment issues" which I need to deal with before I can move on. He didn't tell me to deal with them, I just know deep down inside I have to. I also aways know I'm not totally innocent in my problems. I contributed my share and need to deal with this as well before I move on.
