A little history: I've been married for 25 yrs (26 in August). We've had our struggles over the years. It call came to head last March. I had checked out for awhile under severe work stess and my husband is in a MLC.
Also, my H's best friend and his wife are in the middle of a two-year divorce process. The now ex-best friend has turned out to be someone neither of us respects or wants to be friends with anymore.
The wife has severe mental health issues. The wife reached out to my H and he served as her counselor for several months before I found out. He won't call it an EA but I know that's what it was at least probably on her part. Misery loves company - I think they spent most of their time talking about her H (my H's best friend) and a little time talking about my H and our situation.
After several months of DBing, working on myself and prayer, my H said he wanted our marriage and wanted to make things work back in July. He never moved out but spent almost every weekend at our place at the lake during this time. We've been working on things since then.
The friend (wife of ex-best friend) is someone we've been friends with for a long time. She has a hard time making friends and originally I believe reached out to my H because he was her H's best friend for advice. Anyway, the phone calls have reduced. We hear from her about every 4 to 6 weeks. She has apolgoized (though not directly via my H)to me for relying on my H so heavily.
I did talk to her last week. She's asked for our help in moving out of their house this weekend. Probably need my head examined but we're helping her. She's in counseling which she'll need for several years especially after all the crap her H has pulled. Looks like he might be having a PA with his sister-in-law - So gross on so many levels!!!
My H and I have the friendship part back, sex-life is much improved, and we regularly spend time together and go away for the weekend to our place at the lake without the kids (teenage sons 19 & 14). He has greatly appreciated me helping to care for for my MIL who has Alzheimers (I clean her up on Sundays and cook for my in-laws). Oh yeah and we're going to learn Spanish togehter. Sounds great on paper.
Where I'm struggling now is that I feel like I am the only one really making any lasting changes. I've lost 30 lbs and work out regularly (only 45 more to go!), my sex drive is back (a huge complaint of his in the past) etc. I've GAL - I've done really well connecting with old HS friends again (FB) and making tinme with my two best friends.
I know I need to not focus on what he is or is not doing but it is hard at times. He's still not exercising or taking care of his health properly, doesn't really help around the house unless it's a project, and he occasionally makes a remark that is offputting. I do realize that though he's better he's not entirely through the MLC.
Just needed to vent. Found this on the site and it's what I really need to focus on:
One of the most destructive things you can do as you are repairing your marriage is to keep score...I did this, so you should be doing that. It is not a 50/50 proposition at first. Give 100% and watch what happens. Just make sure you're doing the effective things. But don't keep score. It will make you bitter and get you off-track. Take the high road!!
Good for you for seeing the writing on the wall and being proactive about your marriage.
Cheers Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
