Had a nice lunch. H came to my office, looked at me and said I looked nice. That felt good. I had asked H to talk at lunch - I brought up Retro, felt him out, asked him to pay for it-but I didn't ask him to go. I don't think he's ready, and didn't want to be seen as pursuing.
He agreed after a long time to pay for it out of our tax refund. We laughed a little, we sat and looked at a chipmunk, made small talk, talked about the kids. The best part was the comfortable silences, and feeling that he wasn't in a hurry to leave. He didn't seem to want to leave, much like the day on the park bench when he kept looking at his watch, mentioning time was almost up, but not actually leaving. He did the same today. Finally, at 5 min to 1, I said, "well, I guess I'll go get lunch now." He got out of my car and said have a nice time. He walked away not looking too sure of himself, kind of melancholy. I am in a good mood, brought up a lot of the laughs, he laughed with me, but when he stopped, he just seemed lost, alone and not happy. Few times some coworkers passed by and he waved and gave a smile, but it was superficial.
Few questions I'd like opinions on: 1. I really think these lunches are great together. If occasionally I found a reason for us to lunch together, do you think there is any harm in that? He seems to want to stay around me, and he's always away from me "living his life," so maybe it's a good thing? - or is it better that he wonders what I'm up to and is able to do his own thing entirely without any jogging of how much fun we have together? 2. I am considering going to my mom's house this weekend with DSD instead of sticking around my house. I can stay home and do chores/get ready for planting, clean up the yard - stuff that needs to get done and will help the PMA of the whole house - or I can go take care of myself, stay with mom and let H do whatever he wants this weekend without me around. On the one hand, I'll be around if he happens to be in the house, and we may share more laughs and good moments, but I'm accessible... on the other, if I'm gone, it will be up to him to fill his lonely existence with activity. Either way, I'm taking care of me first. I love planting and spring season, and really want to get the yard ready for some cookouts - making new friends, etc. And if I go to my mom's, she'll baby me, I can have breakfast in bed, go out for dinner, and have NO responsibility all weekend - and it will be nice to have her around. She went through a MLC with my stepdad, and she doesn't know what's going on with me yet but may suspect something. So from a "taking care of me" standpoint, both are about equal... so I'm looking from it from a what's best for the R standpoint.
