Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[mza8]

Hi Gr8,

Just wanted to check in and offer my thoughts. Let me ask you a question. Do you think that your W leaving for this trip and your wanting to "move on" are related? It's just my observation but you seemd to be willing to remain patient a couple of weeks ago when you were seeing some positive signs from your W. Now, all of a sudden, you are tired of waiting for what you want to see from her and now you want to move on. I think you are so worried about your W's trip that you think you need to take action. Just be sure to ask yourself what you truly want here.

I agree with timehealsall. I also think you still want to save your M. My other observation is that YOU are saying what YOU want. YOU want more communication, YOU want better interaction, YOU want her to talk to you when she calls to wish the kids goodnight. You've been doing great lately being patient and looking at things through your W's eyes and what SHE wants right now.

It is up to you what you want to do and when you feel you want to move in another direction. I would suggest that you give yourself a couple of days to let the emotions go and really think about what you want. If it's your M, and I believe that it is, then get back on track and continue to be upbeat with your W, GAL, stop dwelling on every little interaction and what it means. You are driving yourself crazy going back and analyzing if your W's recent positive signs are true or not. The fact is you don't know for sure, but she doesn't have to be positive, she could be negative every time she interacts with you. By her being positive, she is choosing this behavior, she is choosing to be nice and positive.

In regards to wondering why she hasn't brought up the post nuptial agreement, I would offer you reread what Greek posted to you earlier.

posted by Greek

"Everything I did, I did b/c I felt sure of the move. The things I didn't do were indications of doubt. As an example, I didn't take very long to get out of the house once I was sure being there was not what I wanted. So I moved. However, further along in the process, there were appointments that needed to be made - mediators for example - that I dragged my feet on. In fact - I NEVER made that appt! And I didn't b/c I was having second thoughts.

So it may be that she is stalling b/c she is not sure of herself and her decisions at this point in the process."

There you go Gr8, straight from someone who was where your W is now. I agree with Greek that I don't think your W is 100% sure what she wants right now. Why would you push her in that direction when it's clearly not what you want? Patience man, patience. I know is sucks to continue on the patience route but keep plugging away.

In my last update I wrote how my W cried when we listed our house for sale. After my W left, my agent told me a lot of positive things that my W has been saying about me. She told me that me that when my W talked to her over a month ago, that my W couldn't say 3 words without bursting into tears. The agent told me that for the past couple of weeks my W has been singing my praises about how I am doing a good job on the house, etc. Here's the best part, the agent told me that my W said that W and I are "coming along now" and "are getting in a better place". Coincidentally the agent is also in a separation and a few years older than my W. We talked for over an hour and she told me that what I'm doing is definitely having a positive affect on my W. She said that her recent conversations with my W give her every reason to believe this will work out.

Gr8, I guess the point I am trying to make is this really does take every bit of patience and self control that we can muster. WE don't know what's going on in our W's mind. I knew things have gotten better with my W but I had no idea that she also feels things are getting better until this agent told me. Right now our W's aren't there yet with giving us this info but that doesn't mean they're not thinking it. Look at Glimmerman's sitch. His W recently told him that she is willing to work on their M but needs to see more consistency from him. His W also wanted out but now she is starting to come around. Glimmerman has achieved this by being patient, giving his W space, not making this about him and what he wants but instead seeing things through his W's eyes before he does something in the M now.

Be sure what you want, ask yourself quesitons to make sure of your reasons for doing things, and look in the mirror to see if what you're doing is for your W or for YOU.

You have my support my friend!