I don't think his mom knows of the a. My mil is widowed recently and I think she just wants what is best for her son. Plus I think she likes the company snd she can get him to do stuff around the house. I call her house an all inclusive resort . I guarantee she Is doing his laundry and cooking for him too.
I think If she knew of the a she wouldn't be happy with him at all and would be upset. She loves me!
The ow is definately in the party/friend stage of her life. My h even admitted that back in nov to some friend on facebook. But he apparently decided she is worth still chasing. He has left and come home multiple times. Each time because I either was blocking her number or trying to call her (I know childish).
So why does his mother think that your H is staying with her?
I would so tell his mother.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
My db coach said I should leave my mil out of it. I am pretty sure my h is suffering from depression or mil. His father (best friend and leader of the pack) passed away almost three years ago. My h has been on a downward spiral since his dad got sick. It is actually a very long horrible story and my h is on a destructive path and has no self esteem. I could go on and on. My db coach does think he is self medicating. Db coach also thinks I should let him have his "safe" place at his moms. Really if he isn't going to be at our house his moms is the best place for him.
His mom thinks he is unhappy in his m. She does also think he is depressed, she is a nurse.
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
I am pretty sure my h is suffering from depression or mil. His father (best friend and leader of the pack) passed away almost three years ago. My h has been on a downward spiral since his dad got sick. It is actually a very long horrible story and my h is on a destructive path and has no self esteem.
This sounds like midlife crisis behavior. There are a bunch of good people over in the Midlife Crisis forum who can help you out.
The bad news is, if he is having an MLC then there is pretty much nothing you can do to "snap him out of it". Your only real choices are to stick by him and ride it out or leave.
An MLC is a very real emotional struggle for him; he is dealing with all sorts of repressed issues. This is a good starting point to begin to read up on what he's dealing with.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
H is dealing with alot of issues. I think he is depressed though. He has almost admitted it on a couple of occassions. However, he is extremely stubborn and won't get help (counsling/medication). This Is a sign of weakness to him and he is w man. Ridiculous I know. He complains of a lump in his throat which his mom said is from anxiety and or depression. Probably both.
His dad being so sick and then dying was VERY devastating to him. He wouldn't talk about it and he repressed it. To make matters worse I didn't validate how he was feeling. I feel like such an idiot now. So stupid. His dad was his leader and kept him on track and they talked about alot.
I asked the h if he felt like he needed someone to tell him what to do and he said "yes". He said feels like he is wandering around and doesn't know what to do. So weird and complicated.
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
Oh no. I feel really horrible that the h called last night and I didn't return his call. I think I should text him this morning and check in with him. But how is that going dark? But I don't want to be ignored when I call him. Which he does do to me. Help what should I do?
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
I say going dark does not mean ignoring. I think you need to start doing things so if H does text or calls, you might be busy and later when you call him back or respond to a text, you can say you were busy with whatever you are doing. I have always lived by the Golden Rule in this. I might be wrong and my M is not improving at all, but I feel better about myself knowing that I never ignored H. I always answer or respond unless I really am busy.
The going dark is not initiating anything and also GALing so once in a while you legitimately are busy.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Well I just called back the h. I knew he was at work so he wouldn't answer my call. This has been his behavior in the past. Nope I was wrong he answered my call at work. Crap, I was not prepared at all. So I ended up talking for a few minutes. I asked "why he called last night" he said he was just checking in and asked "what have you been up too". WOW! I think he is really scared and confused. It is ridiculous.
Anyway, just venting my frustration again!
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
When he texts, every time for 7 days, wait two hours to respond and text back, "real busy. need something?"
if he texts something emotional. response: "too busy for that now. have a good day!"
DO NOT ENGAGE AT ALL on this for at least 7 days. also bump him to voice mail and let him have panic attacks. you have nothing to lose.
also toss in some 24 hour waits for any return to your text. your good-girl bit of returning texts immediately is not winning you any respect as far as him texting you back immediately.
as far as contacting ow, maybe if he was sleeping with her you could have a mutual acquaintance let her know he is sleeping with both of you. lol. but since he isn't, not sure if any contact is helpful. in this sitch, it might give them a mutual drama because she doesn't care too much anyway and she'll leave town soon as you said.
what you have to be prepared for is he may go looking for another OW "fantasy love" to avoid his issues. at that point, deinitely dump him. he could waste two years of your life with this b.s. not to be harsh, but this may be a situationa where you have to walk away totally before he gets a clue.
