Think my wife is having an MLC, looking for help

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Finish the bathroom Trent?

[TrentC]

Not yet; I wore myself out and have had a hard time getting back to it.

But as it happens, I repaired both of our toilets last night -- the one in the main bathroom was leaking, and the one in the master bathroom had an annoying squeal every time it was flushed -- and that has motivated me to get working on the wallpaper again.

[TrentC]

Did a little more work on the bathroom, and will probably try to get more done before the weekend is over.

One new development in our lives: my sister-in-law (24 years old) got engaged this weekend.

This has traditionally been a trigger for my wife. She has been very sensitive to the fact that her baby sister is growing up, and this is the next step towards my wife's worst nightmare: being the oldest sibling and being the last to have kids.

Right now, she's burying herself in WoW. I'm wondering: should I say anything to her about her sister? On one hand, I feel like I should leave her alone -- she knows where to find me -- but on the other hand, one of the complaints that she's had is that I've never been there for her when she needed me.

[TrentC]

I primed the walls that I had finished earlier. It looks a lot better, and when I get done stripping the remaining walls, I can prime those and start painting the older work.

[Lotus]

I can see this is an emotional time for her. My guess, and that's all it is, would be to err on the side of communication. You could ask her if she wants to talk about how she feels about her sister getting engaged, maybe over a glass of wine. Or, skip the sister, since this is really about your wife and children, and ask if she has thought about trying to have a child again. Even if that means adopting. I know that when my H and I were going through the adoption process, it brought us a lot closer together. We were on the same team, working towards the same goal.

[TrentC]

It's been a while since my last update, but I have decided to talk to my wife this weekend and inform her that I will be moving out.

I found evidence last night that she is still carrying on the EA with the OM.

All this did was crystallize a decision that I have been agonizing over for a couple of weeks -- we have been at a standstill for several weeks, and even though she has been more open and friendly around me, there has been little to no movement towards actually working on the relationship or herself as she promised to do.

At this point I'm not sure if this is an MLC, depression or just plain WAS behavior. Either way, it hurts too much to be around a woman that I love but cannot be in love with, and who I now know is still investing all of her emotional energy into another relationship.

I'm sure there will be people who will encourage me to kick her out instead and that I should be able to stay in our marital home, but it's really better for me to be the one to leave; I don't know what her plans are, but I need to find a place to live because I have a life and a career here.

And maybe her being in the house all by herself for a few weeks will spur her to action, one way or the other.

We all know that relationships borne of infidelity are rarely successful, and maybe if I leave before things get too ugly then there may be a chance for us down the road. But that is not in my hands, it's in hers and in God's.

[Lotus]

I'm sorry to hear that it has come to this. But I agree with what you are doing. You must move forward with your life and if she does not want to come along, then that is the way it is. Once you accept reality, you are empowered to move on to a happier future.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm so sorry, Trent. I know you've tried just about everything, and although I haven't always agreed with some of the things you've tried, you have been nothing but persistent, loving, and full of strong character throughout your fight.

Please put me down as one who thinks SHE should move out!!!

Please let us know how we can continue to support you. God, this sucks -- I was really hoping for a better outcome for you.

Puppy

[TrentC]

I don't know what is going to happen. There's a long time between me moving out and when the D is final.

But my efforts are obviously not working, so it's time to try changing tactics.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Yes rarely are they successful, but let me tell you even the successful ones still have a whole bunch of karma burn attached to them. : )

I found evidence last night that she is still carrying on the EA with the OM

I would hate to think that your are making quick decisions based off an assumption. All I am asking you to do is make sure this is true and accurate.

As for moving out of the hosue, bah. I am one of the ones that thinks the bit ch or d ick should be the one to vacate.

"Awww...life isn't all you thought it should be? Well, sugar pie, not getting the house is part of your new life too now."

(Directed at the imaginary MLCer..not you Trent)



Verify with accuracy before you make a potentially rash decision.