I wanted her to think I was done and walking away.
I hopnestly think this can hurt and not help sometimes.
Originally Posted By: konfuseeed
But now, I need to let her know that I do not want the divorce and am still working on the things that ruined us?
You need to let her know you don't want the D. Plain & simple. That way she knows what you DON'T want.
Originally Posted By: konfuseeed
Do you think maybe aside from telling her i don't really want the divorce, I should just keep quiet and lets my actions speak for me?
I'm thinking I don't really need to tell her I'm making changes in myself to make our relationship better, but she will be able to sense it when we hang out.
Does that make sense?
It makes perfect sense. Actions AND words. That's why you need to communicate verbally/ask her what thing you can do on your end to improve things, state that you are WILLING to change things.
Her and I have already had that talk, actually. I asked her what some of the things were that drove her away, and she told me honestly. That was a big part of the that talk we had a week or so ago that I talked about... So I think I'm good there... Now I just need to show her.
I really need to think on how I wanna word this to her.
She told me she felt I was selfish with my time, we never did anyhting bonding together, we lived like roomates or "buddies" and I ignored her.
I read the five love languages, and realized quickly that her love language being "quality time", and I absolutely did not speak that language to her.
This is also why I think us actually going out and doing things together now is important.
Before we split, I would have never asked her to go to the zoo with me... Hell, if she asked me if I wanted to go to the zoo I would tell her no, and then spend the day playing video games alone.
So yeah... I think my biggest 180 has been being more outgoing, wanting to get out of the house more, and having a good time when I'm out.
That's helped me, too, cause I didn't like being a hermit...
Thats why in my case I actually think reaching out and asking her to go out with me is a good thing.
I read the five love languages, and realized quickly that her love language being "quality time", and I absolutely did not speak that language to her.
This is also why I think us actually going out and doing things together now is important.
Before we split, I would have never asked her to go to the zoo with me... Hell, if she asked me if I wanted to go to the zoo I would tell her no, and then spend the day playing video games alone.
Thats why in my case I actually think reaching out and asking her to go out with me is a good thing.
Yes! Why not plan a QUALITY TIME night out together soon? Bring her flowers and tell her you have the entire night planned for just the two of you. Show her you are into spending time with just her.
Do whatever feels comfortable but keep communication lines open--don't go completely dark. Remember, you're showing her you care--not showing her you are cool with ignoring/avoiding your M.
If you do wait for the zoo date, then afterward tell her you had a great time and want to spend more time together soon--and ask her how her sched looks for such-and-such date. Tell her it's a surprise and then plan plan plan something fun
