Do I ask her what she's doing, because I still don't know? We've touched on things, but we still haven't really talked. Do I ask where this thing is headed and what her plans are? I still have no idea what she THINKS the plans are. Apparently she knows when she's coming home, but does she plan on me leaving at that point? Do I ask all these things or what?
Don't bring it up. At all! She doesn't know what she's doing and if you ask, she'll give you the answer that's in her head at that moment. Two seconds later she'll have a different plan. Again, that's her life, that's her stuff to deal with. Stay out of her mind. YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, and leave her out of your equation.
You are separate individuals. Break those dysfunctional threads and make sure you remember the sharp break between you two...meaning: there's you and there's her. They are not overlapping as much as you think or act. Healthy couples have a definite sense of TWO individuals who are self sufficient, healthy and fully functioning on their own.
If she plans on you leaving what are you going to do? What's acceptable for you? If it were me, I'd tell her she can leave and you are staying put. She's the one choosing this path. Let her sleep in the bed she is making. Hold your ground.
My W said many times, "Why don't you just leave?" My response was - "I'm not going anywhere. You're the one that wants out, you leave." PERIOD. End of story and conversation.
Notice the line I drew there was about me, not her. I was standing up and doing what was right for me and didn't include her in my formula. This is a healthy boundary.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
